No Regrets

  "The last time I felt alive – I was looking into your eyes.
Breathing your air.... touching your skin...
... Saying goodbye....
The last time I felt alive.... I was dying."
― Ranata Suzuki

"Carsein!" Aristia screamed. I barely registered it before my body slammed against the ground. A severe amount of pain was searing my skin around my abdominal area. My mind was consumed by this pain. I could hardy think of anything else. I felt my own mouth move but I couldn't hear a single sound. "Carsein!" Her voice sliced through everything else. She was scared... I probably looked bad. 

"Nngh!" Finally I could hear myself groan in pain. The feeling of my hand putting pressure on my wound was present as well. I was starting to understand the situation that I was in. My mind was having a hard time processing what my body was going through. "Shit!" I cursed. It burned. No it ached. No it felt like a thousand different types of pain all at once. 

I jolted upon realizing that just because I fell doesn't mean the attack was over. My Mind went into panic as I tried my best to focus on using my sight. I had to find her. She had to be okay. The sound of metal clashed to my right. I focused in that direction. My breath hitched when I saw that it was Aristia. Her eyes were sharp and determined. Her body language was stern. In was swift movement her foe was to the ground. Then she locked eyes with mine. The strength in her eyes quickly vanished. They were now scared. 

"Carsein!" She was at my side in second. She kneeled at my side. Her hands shook as she held them above the area I was wounded. "You're going to be okay." Her voice became soft. I wanted to hum at how pleasing it sounded. Her head whipped around at the other two knights that had been with us. "Go find help!" she ordered them. 

My breathing was becoming harsh. My body started to shake and I felt sweat start dripping from my forehead. I moved my free hand around trying to find something to hold. Aristia saw my movement and offered her hand. So small and delicate. Her hand felt fragile in mine. Had this been a different situation I would've voiced this thought to her. For now, however, I just allowed myself to enjoy it. I couldn't tell if the shaking was me or her at this point. Maybe it was both. 

"Why?" She whispered. Her eyes shined with tears. Her teeth were clenched. I swore I even hear a small rumble come from her throat. "Why did you jump in front of me! I could've parried it."

"...Blind...Nngh .. Side." Was all I could say. The attack was coming from her left side, almost directly behind her. She had already been fending off one opponent. I knew there was no way she could've avoided it. To be completely honest it had been complete instinct. The thought of her being the one bleeding on the ground terrified me. I knew in that instant that I would be taking that hit. 

"You're such an idiot!" She cried out. She looked around frantically. She  was most likely looking for help. "I can't believe you would do something so stupid."

Even being as mad as she was, I could tell she was only saying these things because she was scared. In a weird way, it made me happy. It meant I meant something to her. Maybe it wasn't the same as what she meant to me, but it was something. 

I moved our hands to her face. It hurt like I was being ran over by twenty horses, but I just wanted to wipe her eyes. I didn't want to see her cry anymore. Especially not because of me. For small moment in time, I didn't feel any pain. I just focused on her. As I gazed into her eyes, I felt this overwhelming sense of calm. She was safe. She was crying and yelling, but she was safe. 

She was right. I was an idiot. But I don't regret it. Not even for a second. In fact, I would do it again if it meant keeping her safe. I would do it a thousand times over. I was an idiot, but not because of what I did. I was an idiot because I loved her so damn much and never even got the courage to tell her.