All You Need Is Food

2005

February 14, 2005

Red

Black

White

Cars drove by in front of me with different colors and with different speed, while I’m just here seating alone on a lonely bench outside our school. Why am I sitting here alone? Because I’m a fish out of water.

I’m that one kid who’s always sticking out of the group, always out of place, always unwanted. And right now, I’m just that unwanted sad girl who just got her whole world split in half.

It’s ironic though because everyone seems to be so happy today. Most boys are hollering with glee and some girls are giggling like those really drunk adults by the street. But me? No hollering, no giggling, just plain boring sobbing.

Happy Valentine’s Day, they said. What’s so happy about crashing down on my bed and cry the whole Niagara Falls I’m keeping locked, secured, and sealed behind my eyes?  

Chirp. Chirp.

There goes that yellow bird by the branch again. I hate that annoying bird, especially the way it watches me intently with those beady eyes. It’s as if it’s just waiting for the right moment to claw the emotions out of me.

It’s as if they were his eyes just waiting for the right moment to bump and spill the overloaded bottle of sadness in me.

I sigh. I have to stop thinking too much about everything. I close my eyes and try to erase the thoughts from my mind – the thoughts of him and the two round seas of deep blue hues staring right at my watery green eyes, and the thoughts of me and the many muscles working in my legs as I run away from his beautiful pleading self.

But I can’t. The memory played on and on.

“Myra, wait!” he called.

But I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to get away from everything. I just wanted to go home and hide in there for the rest of my life just to forget the shame.  

“Myra! I’m sorry!” he called again.

But I didn’t want to hear his apology. I… I wanted. I wanted him to – I shake my head. It will never happen.

“Go away!” I yelled at him.

“But Myra! We’re friends!” he yelled back.

My eyes blurred with tears again. And I’m not even sure why. I’m not physically hurt. No scratch. No burns. But it feels like that inside of me.

Beep. Beep.

Our car suddenly appears on the road causing me to jump a little.

“Myra! Time to go home!” My dad calls from behind the window.

I look at my dad and wiped my tears. Who needs a handsome boy when I already have a handsome dad?

I tried to smile at dad. Then looked back at our school. I don’t need him, I tell myself.

I breathe deeply and jog my way to the car.

When I got in, everyone was dead silent. Even my older brothers, who tend to be so noisy, were silent today.

“It’s a love letter.” I remember his voice again and a tear tried to escape from my eyes, but I kept it in.

I shake my head. I don’t need silence today. It will bring me back to the horrible memory. I exhaled to relax myself, looked at Matt – my second eldest brother, and tried to think of something to say.