Nineteen 20

1

It's the the new year, the clock just struck twelve, and here I am alone and sulking in my pajamas about the people I once called friends, I'm done going out of the way for people who don't appreciate it. So these were the ones that have been bottled up for a month now. And I'm finally letting go.

The people on the New Year's Eve special yell happy new year. They  say "make twenty twenty your year" I get up off my bed in my tiny green room and walk down the hall way to see my parents and their friends celebrating, eating their happiness in food. I tell them happy new year then tell them I'm going to bed, because well I'm tired. It's twelve o'clock, and I woke at six this morning, because of work.

I'm eighteen, almost nineteen in two more weeks. I work at a diner in my town, it's a small diner but I like it. It gets me by. I want to go to college to become a writer. But I'm not made of money, so therefore no college for me.

I grab my toothbrush and toothpaste and start brushing my teeth. Taking my phone out of my pocket I look on my Instagram, the first thing I see is the boy that hurt me more than anybody could imagine , it's a picture of him and his girlfriend. The caption says 'I love her a lot she just doesn't know it'. It's a lie.

If you loved her why did you say you loved me? While you were dating her I was the stupid girl that believed i had a chance with you, in my eyes you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I sure got that twisted, one night you're kissing me the other you're telling her you love her. You know the sick and twisted part? I knew you were with her and I still did what I did, you told me you weren't happy in your relationship, that you wanted me and you always have. Well that dream of mine came crashing down all but to fast when he texted his girlfriend that he thought of me as a crazy girl that always wants what she can't have. She obviously sent me a screenshot of the message, with a text that said, 'see, you never had a chance'. She has every right hate me. Hell I hate myself. But who can blame me I'm just a girl in love with a boy that would tell me the prettiest lies.That's the sad part. I love him. I wish love was like it was in the past.

I wish that a boy could love me for only me and be so in love he would die for me and I the same. That when he sees me he almost falls to his knees, and he would never love a woman more than me. There would be no social media for us to lose ourselves in. We could only focus on ourselves. And maybe just maybe he could make me love myself.

I shut of my phone and put my toothbrush up, after I wash my face I get in bed. I close my eyes and think about the past and how I wish I could live in it. It drowns me as I fall into a deep sleep.

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"Minerva honey wake up it's time you go get ready for work" I hear my mom yell.

"Coming!" I look at the clock and it says 7:00. My shift starts at 8:00 so I have an hour, plenty of time to get ready, And find a cute outfit.

After a shower and pampering myself I go down stares and see my mom making a pie.

"Mom it's like 7:30 Am why are you baking a pie"

"Honey you don't have to say like that much. And yes I'm making a pie your dad and brother wanted one"

"Jesus we aren't in 1920s anymore you don't have to do everything a man wants"

"What are you on about Minerva? You are making absolute no sense right now."

"I'm confused.. so I'm just going to head off to work" I start to look for my shoes when my mom says

"Not dressed like that you won't"

"What the hell mom these are my work clothe-"

"Don't you dare use that tone of voice with me and go upstairs and put on your dress I have laid out for you"

What dress is she talking about. I don't own any dresses,so it doesn't make since. And why would I need a dress I'm just going to work.

"What dress, why am I wearing a dress to work mom"

"Minerva it's really not funny your little act this morning. You better straighten yourself out before dad sees you acting like this"

I'm just now noticing her hair in perfect uptight curls and her makeup a little different then how she usually does it, it's different but I like it.

"Why do you look like you just came out of the past today"

"Why are you talking to me  like you're in the future"

"How would you know what the future sounds like?"

"I have absolutely no idea Minerva I'm just trying to get you to go-" she puts her hand on my back and pushes me towards my bedroom "up the stairs but you keep acting silly"

I'm actually so confused because my mother has never actually acted like this before. So uptight, she acts older. I don't know if I like this new year new her thing.

"Well okay I'm going to go out my imaginary dress on for my work now" I say as I make my way to my room.

When I open my door I see a beautiful very elegant dress. It's has spaghetti straps and the length goes barely to the knees. It's the most Easter thing I've seen. It's beautiful don't get me wrong but I really hate dresses and seeing that my mom went out of her way to buy me a new probably expensive dress, I'm going to wear it. I may hate it but I'll do it for her. Because money doesn't go to waste around here.

I pick up the dress softly and go to my dark blue full body mirror with fake butterflies on the sides of it. I smile as soon as I see them, then I take off my black work clothes and put the dress on. As soon as it slips over my head I know it will fit perfect. And it does.

As I look at myself in the mirror, I slowly start seeing a blur and then I come to realize that my eyes are watering. I think they call it crying. I miss him. I miss him more than a newborn misses their mother when they sleep. I cry every single night for him. In my sleep I'm haunted by the past. The past he was in.

I wipe my tears then I put on some more concealer, because now I have very ugly under eyes.

I walk into the kitchen, and that's when I hear my dad singing, so joyful, so happy.

"Hey daddy" I say to him when I grab my bag that has my things.

"Hey sweetie, happy new year" he sits down and starts eating his eggs.

"Yeah you too dad"

"Can't believe it's already nineteen twenty"

With those five words I forget everything and drop my bag.

"Honey why would you drop that" my dad says as if I'm not in shock and confusion.

"Wha-" I shake my head a little then look at him in the eyes "what did you just say?"

"You know this Minerva, last night you wished us a happy new year"

"Yes dad that's because it was a new year. The year twenty twenty"

"Stop being that way Minerva I won't stand for it. I don't think you hallucinating is funny"

There I am sitting on the floor confused more then I've been in my entire existence.What am I supposed to do now?