I'm Still Standing

Epilogue

Rachel

The first 20 years of my life was life just knocking me down. Whether it be my dad leaving or my mom getting sick or having to stay hidden or when I hurt my knee. There's been so many times that I fell flat on my ass and I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay down and lay there for a while.

But in the end I knew that I had to keep moving otherwise I would get stuck at one place in my life. And while I didn't want to get up I didn't want to be stuck there either. I hated feeling stuck and helpless. So I decided that each time I got my ass handed to me I would get back up and keep going.

No matter what, I'm still standing.

"Are you sure you want to be planning the wedding right now? The lockout is still going on and I know you're a part of the NHLPA. You can work with them, go wherever they need you" I insist.

Jon and I were planned to get married in January of 2o13, but with the lockout continuing here in October and actually preventing games from happening for the near future. No one really knew how long this was going to last or what to expect. But it made planning a wedding a little more difficult.

"I think this is just the distraction I need. At least I want to talk about these negotiations" he mumbles.

"Do you think they will take hockey away for a whole season" I wonder.

"I wouldn't be surprised, they've done it before. But they're all about the money and you can't make money if there's no hockey, so they'll figure it out" he insists.

"And you still want to go through with the wedding"  I ask him.

He puts down the wedding book that was in his hands as he looks at me. "Of course I do. Right now that's all I want to do" he claims.

"I just don't want this to end up not going the way you want it to because there's so much going on outside of it" I defend.

"Now I have more time to go to the meetings for the reception and cake tasting and making sure the venue is good. I know a lot of it is already planned since we had over two years to figure this out. But I'm not going to let it all go to waste" he promises.

"As long as you're down I'm down. I just don't want to do all of this and you not like how it happens" I insist.

"Isn't this supposed to be your big day anyway" he teases.

"God, no. I hate when people say that. Like I am going to be marrying myself or something. We're both going to be marrying each other, this is as much your day as it is mine" I promise.

"I kinda just want to get married now and then do all the fun stuff later. With all of this crap happening right now I just... I just want to be with you" he claims.

I smile as I sit myself in his lap. His hands grip my waist tight as I lean on him. "If I didn't think that your parents would kill us for going to get hitched right now I would. But your mom has worked her ass off finding a priest and a good church for all of this" I explain.

"She doesn't have to know" he claims.

"Sweetie you can't lie to your mom. You would break within five minutes" I laugh.

"You're right" he chuckles. "It's just if I had the wedding now then at least I would have something to keep my mind busy during all of this mess" he sighs.

"I think I can help with that" I smile and he smiles back.

"Oh yeah" he asks.

"Yeah" I smile. I lean over and whisper into his ear, "we should get another dog" I say and he starts to laugh loudly. I see his smile grow and I know I made him genuinely happy.

"You're the best, you know that" he asks.

"I just love you, a lot. And I love the restaurant and my family and life, but all of those things don't exist if you weren't in my life so I love you most" I assure him.

"What about if we have a kid" he teases.

"Then you're a close second" I wink.

"When should we have kids" he wonders.

"Whenever we're ready. And I'm ready so it's up to you big boy" I joke as I pat his chest.

"Maybe after the wedding. We dropped a couple grand on that then what's another grand on a baby" he smirks.

"Says the guy who doesn't have to carry it around for 9 months" I scoff.

"I can carry it around for nine months after to make up for the fact" he promises.

"You would be an amazing dad, you know that right" I ask him.

"I'm going to try" he promises.

After spending all day inside we decide to go for a run. Jon doesn't have a lot of training regime new right now and I still love to run. So we lace them up and go for a run.

After a while we stop because there's nothing more than Jon hates more than cardio. I stand next to him as I rest my arm on his back.

"You're insane, you know that right" he asks and I laugh.

"Then that makes you insane for marrying me" I counter.

"I guess so" he chuckles.

I stand up off of him and let out a deep breath. My heart rate still returning to normal as my breathing evens out. I stand as tall as I ever been as I look out over this city. Thankful that I'm still standing.