Happiness, creativity, freedom.
One final slide. Biting into the ice fiercely and fearlessly while creating the most beautiful sound every creature on earth has ever heard. The friction made between those deep edges and ruthlessly cold ice, smooth and harsh at the same time, caused chills on every inch of my body.
It felt like drowning, slowly losing yourself in dancing on the very edge of two worlds; the thin line that separates stepping into this darkness of mastermind from staying sane and aware.
I had been always told it's easy for a man to cross this line, especially for a one with a temper like me. Giving everything up and giving yourself in.
Then came the reality.
It slowly pulled you out of this other world with one sharp move and kept you away from this dangerous place in your mind you would've never thought you were capable of having. For me, it almost always ended up crashing merciless and falling onto the white surface, leaving me lying breathless and confused. It was either that or being able to push myself to the greatest limits that at some point became an addiction of mine.
It was like the two worlds collided into one unexplainable universe, where nothing but 'here and now' mattered, where everything and anything was possible.
I was never scared of meeting the slippery ground. To be honest I was never scared of anything when I was a teenager. I never took my health issues seriously, never cared about my injuries and training properly, took everything for granted.
That was until the earthquake and tsunami hit my home, killing thousands of people and separating me from my family.
Back then I thought of figure skating as of only a sport. The ice was my enemy, the challenge I had to take. It was the prize that had to be won. Every day of training was every day of me and my rage having a battle of the lifetime.
After the disaster, everything I saw and knew was gone.
I was slowly beginning to realize that the ice was never my true enemy. In fact, it was my friend. The companion for a better and worse that had never judged me despite my ups and downs. 'Passion' and 'determination' became my keywords to my new lifestyle so I embraced the past and moved on, starting a new chapter of my life in Canada.
That's where it all began and where it all started falling apart.
Whenever I entered the TCCs walls I felt dozens of eyes on me, the same thing went for my training sessions but couldn't complain, I enjoyed it. It's like my every move was traced by some curious bystanders whom I tried to shut off from my world whenever I put the skates on.
It's not like I was an attention seeker who almost everybody took me for. I just loved being admired for my love and passion for the sport and for the things I created. Only for it.
People had always misunderstood it.
Calling my behavior odd would be an understatement of the year and I was one hundred percent sure nobody would ever get it. However, I had never thought it would escalate into something much bigger than just some vicious gossips about me.
They all thought I was some Japanese weirdo, control freak, who had an unhealthy obsession about winning in every competition he had ever been in.
The thing is, it wasn't a complete lie.
I wasn't always this cheerful, polite and patient skater they thought I was, I just had to pretend for the sake of my poor English skills or just for better purposes as I liked to call that. Sometimes I had to cover something up with a fake smile, trying to make it look as natural as it could be so nobody would ever see through me and my lies. But can you blame me? Being honest was never an option.
Stress? That came afterward.
The feeling of being pressured by my own goals and my country's expectations kept pushing me into the darkest places of my mind. It's like the constant thought of improving and being the best kept coming back and haunted me every night. My passion and self-confidence started becoming foggy, replaced by the feeling of anxiety and strange uneasiness.
That's when it all started to fall apart.
Day after day. Month after month. It's like something was ripping all the positive things away, killing from the inside slowly and painfully and left me with nothing but the bitter feeling of emptiness and fear.
I just needed someone to save me.
I just needed hope.
I'm Yuzuru Hanyu and this is my legacy.
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Hello!
So this is my first fanfiction about Yuzuru so don't be too hard on me:( I'm not a native speaker or a writer for that matter *laughs nervously*
Just to clarify few things and avoid unwanted confusion: some of the chapters will be in form of a diary (something like notes from Yuzuru's diary) and some of them are going to be the "live-action" (as I like to call it). You know, with all of the dialogues, Yuzuru's point of view, etc.
From now on there won't be any ANs (author's notes) unless something tragic really happens and I have to step in *prays for the worlds peace in the comment section*
xXx
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save me || yuzuru hanyu
Fanfiction[post-olympic 2018] nobody knows what he's going through and nobody understands what's going on in his mind; even he himself. this is not a fanfiction story about an idol falling in love with a girl. this is story about mental health and anxiety s...
