clashildr one shots

Breaking

Clara's smile didn't pull at her eyes, which it should've. Something was wrong.
"Hey, hey, hey," Ashildr called, grabbing her arm and spinning her back to face her. Ashildr wiggled into her arms. "What's up?"
Clara smiled again, though it still didn't reach her eyes. Clara reached around Ashildr to the radio sat on the counter, flicking it on and leaving it to whatever station it had been tuned to.
Ashildr winced. Metal. The heavy stuff. Sounded like pig growls and thunder to her, though Clara swore blind they were intricate and musical patterns.
"I love the chords in this song," Clara muttered, leaning her forehead against her girlfriend's.
Ashildr couldn't pick out even any guitars. "If you say so," she laughed.
Clara sighed, hugely, before lifting her chin as if to kiss Ashildr only to drop it down again. "It's the anniversary."
"Of what?"
"D-" Clara cut herself off. She couldn't bring herself to say his name.
Danny.
They discussed Danny's parting rarely. Clara had never forgotten. She probably never would.
Ashildr saw how it tore her up; every year, her heart ripped to pieces again as she relived the horrendous events of that day.
It was like Danny had died three times, in a way. The first time, he was on the phone to her, talking to her. Ashildr could barely imagine the pain. It would have been as if her chest was crushed by a hydraulic press. She knew the feeling. Talking to her.
And he hadn't been left in peace, either. Ripped from his grave and encased in metal, made cyber. Reincarnated, only to die again, saving her. Talking to her, saving her.
Then, when given the chance to go back to her, he instead reanimated the boy he had killed while at war. She had been given hope of his return only to have a child appear in her flat. Talking to her, saving her, doing a kind act.
Danny, the man thrice dead, witnessed each and every time by the woman who loved him so feircely she could have powered the sun.
Clara held Ashildr, face buried in her neck, sobbing gently, for a long time.
Ashildr's position was far from enviable. She knew that Clara loved her, she had to, traipsing around time and space hand in hand, but she'd never gotten over Danny. It was still fresh for her, although she would never admit it. It wasn't often she let Ashildr see her fallen apart like this, broken like this, and every time she did Ashildr felt her heart break.
Not only the pain she knew Clara felt but the pain it passed to her. She was crying over her last partner. It doesn't matter how compassionate you are, that stings.
"Hey, hey," Ashildr murmered, rubbing her shoulder. "I've got you."
"Don't die on me, love," Clara gasped through sobs. "Please-"
"I won't. Believe me, death is very difficult."
The music continued in the background. Clara sniffed, raising her head. Ashildr brushed her tears away.
"You're allowed to hurt."
Clara nodded. "It's funny," she said, " how I always swore my heart beat for Danny." She took Ashildr's hand from her face and placed it on her chest. "Now, it's still for you."
"Clara, I have lived and I have lived. I have lived so much I fear I have lived too much. Even in a universe this collosal, only so much life can be filled. You have been my reason to continue for so long now I doubt either of us recall how long. Clara, I've seen you die. That image has been burned into my brain, never allowing me to forget. I know I will lose you. And after that, I shall lay down and die-"
"No!"
"Clara, my love. It's okay. You'll be gone before I am. You needn't worry. You shan't miss me. You've given me so much life! Vigour! But, know this; life is like ice cream. You give it to a child, and they cling to it, demanding they eat as much as they like. Eat it all day. There grows a time, you must understand, that it becomes too much and one wants to throw up. I've reached that point, dear, and I've passed it. I have gorged on life for far longer than I should have. I'm millennia old, and life expectancy for my time was thirty! I couldn't bear to live without you, so I won't. But I shan't miss anything, I don't think."
Clara took Ashildr's hand and squeezed, threatening never to let go.