From Hate To Lust

Chapter Twenty-Three

Hi guys! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever. Thank you so much for reading, commenting and just following me, it means a lot to me. I've had some pretty busy weeks, and i'm still busy but i'm posting this chapter right now, and hopefully won't forget to post the other 3. This fic has 25 chapters in total, and an epilogue, so we're close to the end, actually. Please, if i ever forget to update again cos i'm just so busy, don't be afraid to ask me on tumblr, cos i'll most likely see it sooner than on here. enjoy ,and thank you so much for reading, lots of love x

This night I felt warm. Even in my sleep I could feel the comfort of his arms wrapped around me and I was happy. I slept not as deeply as he did, instead I was aware of his presence in my sleep. When he moved, my body moved with him, keeping us together as close as possible. When I moved, I felt him grumble softly, while tightening his grip around me. I woke up at some point, watching him sleep for a moment before I drifted off again. There was something different about the way we slept together this night, or so it felt. It was not the first time that I could sleep in his arms but this time neither of us let go of each other. We were wrapped up together, our naked bodies entwined. I felt safe in his arms, I always wanted to have him hold me. And in his sleep Niall was like a different person. He was an angel when his body was limb and relaxed, his arms wrapped around me, his eyes shut tightly. His lips were usually slightly parted and sometimes he even drooled. I found it adorable. Him. The way he slept made him seem so much more vulnerable and I knew that he was trying to escape from that in his active hours.
I had a mostly dreamless sleep but every now and then his face was in front of me and I could hear his soft voice as he told me how much he missed me over and over again. He said that he had wanted me every day, that all he wanted was me. He pleaded me like he had at his party and then he said, gripping my face: “be with me, please.”
I woke up from his words, my eyes flying open. Niall’s bedroom was flooded with sunlight as we obviously had not bothered to close the curtains last night. His head lay on the pillow and his eyes were still shut. I admired his beauty and let out a low sigh as those words that I wished he would tell me were echoing in my head. I wanted nothing more than to be with him, to sleep in his arms every night and to wake up, still in his arms. I wanted him and I wanted him to want me back. I needed him.
He looked so peaceful as he lay there and my thoughts wandered back to last night’s events. I felt myself blushing as I remembered what he had done to me and my body; I remembered how good his every touch had felt. I groaned and dropped my head onto his chest again, burying my face in his soft and warm skin.
I kept my eyes closed for a long time, just listening to his steady heartbeat and breath. I enjoyed the warmth of his body and his arms that were still wrapped around my back. While I lay there silently, trying not to move, I thought about each time  had slept spent the night with him an smiled, remember how much I had wanted to get away from him in the first night. I remembered how I tried to sneak out twice and failed both times and then I thought about the night we had spent in his car.

A while later, Niall slowly awoke, groaning sleepily before he stretched and rubbed his eyes. I rolled off his body and lay on my side, holding myself up on one of my elbows as I watched him.
“Hi,” he muttered with his groggy and deep morning-voice and I smiled at him. “Morning,” I said as he yawned and stretched again. With a low sigh, he rolled over and pressed me onto the mattress, burying his face in my neck. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around me and mumbled something about wanting to sleep for another few minutes.
I slowly stroked his hair, tugging on it every now and then, thinking about what to say. I knew it was still morning but I couldn’t get our upcoming conversation out of my mind. He had told me we could talk about us later last night and later was now for me.
“Niall?” I asked after some more silent minutes.
“Yeah?” yeah said and lifted his head up, looking at my face.
“So… what are we? I mean,” I swallowed as I saw his eyes narrowed and he lay down on his back again, “you said we would talk about it later and I couldn’t help but wonder–”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” The blue of his eyes was hard and cold as ice all of a sudden. I felt my heart break once again but the pain was different. It was strong and present, it hurt to have my dreams fall apart in front of my eyes once again. I had wished so badly to sleep in his arms every night from now on, to have him hold me whenever I felt like it. But then there was something bigger than the disappointment that was flooding through me. It was pure anger as I realized that  had believed him once again.
I let out a tiny laugh, bitter and cold, as I got up, shoving the blanket off my body. I shook my head as I collected my underwear from the floor as quickly as I could, not wanting him to see me naked any longer. I knew it was ridiculous since he knew my body probably better than I did but I couldn’t help it. I pulled my dress over my head quickly, dragging it over my ass before I looked for my purse that lay in a corner of his room. I grabbed it and turned to look at him. He was sitting up against the bedpost that I had been handcuffed to only hours ago, the thought of it making me shiver against my will. The blanket was covering most of his body and he had his arms crossed in front of his chest, watching me with one of his eyebrows risen.
“I can’t believe I’ve been dumb enough to believe you heartless lies once again.” I looked straight into his eyes and tried my best to look at him as coldly as he stared at me. He flinched the slightest bit but I continued. “I hope you’re proud of what you’ve done. I hope you’re satisfied that I gave myself to you again and that you get to humiliate me like you always do. You know what, Niall? I’m not some worthless whore that you can fuck whenever you want, I thought I had made that clear. And I thought you knew that you mean something to me. I did not think you were pathetic enough to hurt me this way, but it’s okay. It’s my fault, I don’t know what I was thinking.” I shook my head and let out another cold and quiet laugh.
“Just don’t contact me again, ever. Delete my number and don’t speak to me in class. Don’t try to dance with me at parties. Pretend that I’m not here anymore because I’m not. Not for you. No more. That’s it.”
I looked at him, taking in his somewhat surprised face. The blue of his eyes and his messy hair. He was heartbreakingly beautiful and I ignored the urge to close my eyes. Instead I turned away from him, trying my best to seem strong. His expression wasn’t cold anymore, he looked thoughtful all of a sudden but in this moment I couldn’t care. I didn’t wait if he had anything left to say, I didn’t want to hear it, I couldn’t stand it. I knew that I had to move on.