The Decision

Story

I thought I was right, a young healthy man, I trusted my health blindly, but I was betrayed by my own body in the end, it was totally unexpected, I mean I was stupid, and everyone who took the same way as I did is stupid, my parents advised me so many times, in the last one I've gone thinking out why they still don't understand that I'm older and I can deal with my odds, they always consider me as that kid who is holding strongly his parent's hands, I believed that they were wrong , but in fact I'm the one who has been wrong, I thought that they don't care about me and about whatever happening to me. « You are not my son anymore » My father's quote that I remember hearing it often, and as time passes he used to call me « son » again. I wish I hadn't been against them. And now here I am; on a white bed, in this room which let the patient hopeless, how could a hospital be like that? Four white walls full of blots, a green line passing across the middle, and many cracks on ceiling. I'm lying on a damaged bed with useless blankets, waiting for my mother to bring new ones. I was brought here alone, I mean the ones I've called friends didn't even care about my situation. My parents were the only ones getting my back. Today, the doctor will announce my test results, and I'm still hopeful, I would rather say greedy to get a new chance, and make up my old mistakes which have started since I've known that group.

We were studying together, we were the back benchers , making noise and disturbing both teachers and ambitious students, we were making fun of everything, but it seems like time has made fun of us...It was Tuesday evening, we skiped the last class, and headed to our spot in the garden situated in the other side of our school, then we started discussing about our concerns : football matches and comparing between Messi and Ronaldo, when one of us brought out a cigarette and lighted it up, and I didn't know that it was the beginning of my end, I asked for it so I could try, he didn't refuse at all -I wish he has done- I put it between my lips, and did my first inhale, feeling its warm , which has spread directly into my lungs, right then I started to caugh strongly to the point I felt that someone was digging out my lungs, even so I decided to get addicted ...During the first days, I was asking for the cigarettes but after, I was the one who lighted it up and gave it to my friends, my parents didn't know about that, my father smelled it one day but I lied as usual, till the day he caught me up smoking nearby my school, he slapped me strongly with a terrible rage, I was shocked, agape, looking at his angry eyes, It was awkward when he did so in front of my friends, how could he slap me at this age ? He has gone complaining, and repeating that quote again; « he is not my son.. ». I stayed outside until the sunset, then I asked my friend to pass that night in his house, I couldn't meet my father after what happened. There were stairs taking to the first floor where there were the other family member's rooms, while his room was in the right corner, it was full of cigarettes smell, I asked him to open the window but he refused, we argued then he said : « if you want pure air, sleep outside then ! » I was speechless, so I gave up my natural need. We started smoking, I was trying to calm down while my father's sight obsessed me, I used to smoke just one cigarette, it was enough, but this time, I was about to finish the pack but in vain. However my friend told me he has got a solution.

He brought up a pill from his pocket; I thought it's a tranquilizer, even if I was curious about the reason why he didn't keep it in its box. But all I wanted back then was peace of mind so I've taken that pill, and what I did was similar to throwing the Hiroshima's bomb in my inner organes, it killed my thoughts, and let my rage put out, exactly as a matchstick lighten up in a wind blowing, I felt so happy, and laughed for no reason, while I was still thinking about my father's slap, who cares, it didn't disturb me anymore, It was like having a trip on train, with unknown direction, and unknown duration...All I remember is that I was on the floor the next day , and my friend was still sleeping.

I left the house, after he gave me another pill in order to take it once feeling depressed, I headed home, imagining the different possibilities of my father's reaction. Unfortunately, he was outside, it seemed like he knew about my comeback, he looked at me with despise and said: « why did you come? You are not my son anymore », then he closed the door, I knocked many time, but had no answer, just my mother's crying, I got that my father stopped her from opening the door. It was confusing, to choose either her husband or her son, she was so done seeing her kid choosing the way of addiction, and damage. So I took the pill and quite both home and school, I worked in a workshop of a mechanic, I used to pass the whole day working, and the night with my friends, I even walked street till the sunrise sometimes, I used to spend my inconsiderable remuneration on cigarettes, however, I didn't care about what I was taking anymore, I was enjoying how I could forget everything.

In fact, everything has an opposite reaction, one time I was in a night party as usual, throwing the drug's poison in our bodies, but it seemed that mine was full, it couldn't bear anymore, my organs were done, then I passed out, and couldn't see, all I remember is that everyone has gone, maybe they thought that I died, I still don't know who has brought me here, probably he is one of these friends... Only my parents were with me, and right now I will get my test results, my mother was holding my hands, and my father was having rest next the door, when I heard the doctor's footsteps, he came with a smile, wiping his eyeglasses, but I knew he was getting ready to announce the unwanted results, then he said : « your liver is damaged, to be honest, liver gets rid of harmful substances, but in case it can't do its function properly, we should remove it and transplant a healthy liver, I will let you discuss for now. » My mother cried after trying hard to hide her emotions, and then she told me that she is ready to donate a part of her liver to me, while, my father took her outside to discuss.

I've got lots of decisions in my life, but I've never knew they were wrong, and now I'm paying for my mistakes. I wished a new chance but life wasn't and will never be just, it gave me a new chance on a condition: my precious person's sacrifice, a person who wasn't responsible of my own decision, I was the one who chose that way with intention, I was obedient, while their only concern was me, they were worried about my decisions , and finally here is the hardest decision I have to make : Should I accept her sacrifice ? Or should I accept my destiny, it's a result of my own decision basically, it's not her fault at all ...