Dear Evan Hansen Oneshot Thing

Bad Habit - Kleinsen

You always said that I'd come back to you again
'Cause everybody needs a friend
It's true

Evan hadn't spoken to Jared for a month, after the Connor Project disaster. Honestly, he missed having someone to talk to. Sure, there was his mom, but… she was his mom. And Dr. Sherman barely counted either, because Evan barely talked to him. Sure, they'd have two or three 'conversations' a month, but those 'conversations' were basically just Dr. Sherman asking him complicated questions about himself, and then Evan answering with one-word replies, too anxious to do anything else, really.

Someone to quiet the voices in my head
Make them sing to me instead
It's you

But with Jared, Evan felt more confident. He could actually talk to him. No matter how much Jared made it seem like he didn't want to talk to Evan, they still did, sometimes. Evan had often felt less anxious, more confident, when talking to Jared.

Hate to say that I love you
Hate to say that I need you
Hate to say that I want you
But I do

Evan wanted to talk to Jared again. He couldn't deny it.
He picked up his phone.

Bad habit, I know
But I'm needing you right now
Can you help me out
Can I lean on you

Evan tapped on Jared's contact in his phone and started typing, wanting to finish before the feeling left him. That had happened too many times this past month.

Been one of those days
I don't wanna come out
Can you help me out
Can I lean on you

Hey Jared
I know we haven't talked for a while
I really am sorry
I've been feeling really anxious or whatever recently
I just want to talk again
To settle things once and for all, at least
Well, talk to you soon?

He didn't get a reply.

You make me feel like I'm
Floating off the ground
Above this little town
You do

Evan and Jared had kept each other grounded, in a way. They kept each other in check, in different ways, but it still did happen. Now that Jared wasn't there to talk Evan down from any bad ideas, Evan was floating, barely able to see the ground. Sure, there were a couple people trying to get him down, but it wasn't working. In a way, it only made him fly higher.

Look at me smile
With tears in my eyes
I love the way you lie
I do

Evan had had another panic attack in class. Not over much, just some speech he had to give as an assignment or whatever. The teacher, Ms. Sawyer, had luckily let him sit outside of class for a bit. As he walked out, everyone was staring at him. Except for Jared. Whether he didn't want to make Evan feel worse or he just didn't care, Evan wasn't sure.
After the class had ended, a couple of his classmates came up to ask if he was alright. Evan nodded, clenching his fist, what was left of his fingernails stabbing into his palm. He was not going to have another panic attack just because someone cared enough about him to ask if he was okay. When Evan opened his eyes again, the two people were starting to walk away. For a moment, he made eye contact with Jared. Then Jared finally looked away.

Hate to say that I'm lonely
Hate to say that I miss you
Hate to say that it's dark in here
But it's true

Evan sat down at a table on the outskirts of the cafeteria. Before eating, he glanced around to see Jared sitting down at a different table. If Evan wasn't so anxious he would have gone up and demanded the two talk, or something. He hadn't thought it out much because it was never going to happen.
But he missed Jared, to be honest. He had often felt before as if there was no one he could talk to, but he had had Jared. And he had talked to Jared, he'd just taken it for granted.

Bad habit, I know
But I'm needing you right now
Can you help me out
Can I lean on you

Evan needed to vent more. He was about to send him a text, but that might seem weird because, like, Jared was literally right there, so he just typed up an email this time. God, he hoped Jared didn't hate him for bothering him so much.

Been one of those days
I don't wanna come out
Can you help me out
Can I lean on you

Hey Jared,
We haven't talked in a while. You probably hate me, and for good reason. I don't know why I'm still trying to talk to you. Fucking pathetic, isn't it? That's what you'd probably say. I guess I just don't know what to do. You were like a constant in my life, almost. Not that you were the most constant thing, but you were usually there, whether you wanted to be or not.

Evan sighed and slammed the laptop shut. He couldn't send this to Jared. He would just think Evan was some stupid, pathetic, irritating moron who just couldn't let anything go.
God, he was starting to panic now. He rushed outside and sat down behind a maple tree, trying to remember the breathing exercises Dr. Sherman had taught him.

Hate to say that I'm lonely
Hate to say that I miss you
Hate to say that it's dark in here
But it's true

Footsteps. There were footsteps. Coming towards Evan. This was not good. He ducked his head down so he couldn't see, and, hopefully, whoever it was wouldn't recognise him. It was dark, in the shade of the maple tree. They wouldn't know who he was… unless they were looking for him.

Bad habit, I know
But I'm needing you right now
Can you help me out
Can I lean on you

"Evan?" A voice came. It was Jared, no doubt about it. Evan could easily recognize it.
Jared crouched down beside Evan. "Hey, Acorn, breathe. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight."
Evan did as Jared instructed. Jared had helped Evan calm down from many panic attacks, so he knew what to do.
It seemed almost by instinct, Jared reached his hand out and touched Evan's shoulder. He immediately realized what he was doing, and that Evan didn't usually like people touching him, so he quickly pulled away.
But the way Evan shifted his weight sort of towards Jared, he had no choice but to basically hold him. Not that he was complaining… much.
Evan burrowed his face into Jared's chest, still breathing irregularly. Jared continued to repeat the instructions for Evan's breathing exercises until his breathing slowed down. Was he asleep? Jared couldn't tell.

Hate to say that I love you
Hate to say that I need you
Hate to say that I want you
But I do

Evan eventually raised his head from Jared's chest and the two boys' eyes met. God, Jared's eyes were beautiful. It was like a bird in the sky, or an island in the sea, the way the brown part of his eye stood out from the blue.
Evan didn't realize how close together the two were until their faces were barely an inch apart. He couldn't move. He just sat there, staring at Jared while he did the same.
He didn't know what compelled him to do it, but Evan closed the gap between their lips. Jared was frozen for a moment more, then slowly began to kiss back. It was the best thing Evan had ever felt.

A/N Thanks for reading my story. It's based off of the song Bad Habit by Ben Platt. If you have any constructive criticism for my work, I'd love to hear it, as I am always looking to improve.