So Many Things I Want To Say

Chapter 2

Tessa

We drove quite a distance to get where Hardin wanted to take me. We haven't spent much time together since he has been at school, but he always manages to find time for me. He has been at University for about a years now. This is our first time seeing each other since he has left.

“Hardin where are we going?” I smile wanting to know. He stays quiet. I eye his face he looks sad but looks like he is thinking. “Hardin?” he looks at me.

“Yeah, Tess?” his deep voice with his slight accent makes me quiver like I’m hearing it for the first time.

“Are you alright you are so quiet we haven’t seen each other for a year and you don’t seem too happy.” I look out the window.

“It’s not that Tess, I am just thinking about a lot and I just want to make sure I do this right.” I take his hand.

"Tessa, can I ask you something?" he sounds sincere he pulls the car over into a dirt patch, "I want you to come back to Yale with me, you need to see what you are missing." He looks at me with his piercing eyes. “Tessa?” 

"I'm not ready to leave Hardin." I can’t look into his eyes. He puts his hand on my leg I feel him squeeze.

"I know you aren't but... I miss seeing you." He pulls me into a hug. His eyes come closer to mine before I know it his lips are on mine.

My heart is beating faster than I can comprehend. His hand moves up my thigh. I am frozen at the thought of us together, my mouth moves with him. He moves to unbuckle my seatbelt. I can't control my body it moves on top of Hardin's lap. I feel his cock get hard. I know this isn't right, but it feels so good. His hands hold my hips and makes them move on him pushing and pulling. I grip his hair between my fingers. "I Love you Tessa." He says in my mouth as he continues kissing me.

I've loved Hardin since day one, after the day we spent together before he left for college I didn’t think anything of it. We didn’t do anything my mother came in before he even said what he wanted. We need to stop this.

"Hardin." I say stopping his movement wishing to keep going. "We can't do this." His face saddens me. But I know we can't. "This isn't right." What am I saying? Kiss him! My body is screaming for more. He is eyeing me closely, I can tell he is staring at my lips.

"Why can't we?" He looks at me with a frown on his face. "We have known each other forever." He tries to kiss me again.

"That's just it. We have known each other forever, we can't just go off of that feeling." I try to climb off but he holds me tight. "Hardin." I say with a straight face.

"Why can't we go off that feeling? I have been holding myself back for years. I need you Tess." He holds me kissing my neck. I feel so warm my body doesn't want to leave. I hold him close.

“Not right now Hardin, I’m sorry,” I start to move off of him.

"Let's go to where I was taking you." I climb off his lap we didn't talk much after that. We arrive at the lake near where we use to play as kids.

"Hardin why are we here?" I smile looking out the window, remembering our childhood seeing little us jumping into the water. "Hardin?" he has already left the car and was walking towards the dock. I leave the car walking behind him I reached the end of the dock I sit next to him. "Hardin, I'm sorry," I put my hand on his shoulder. He wouldn’t look at me.

"I'm not mad or upset, I'm sad that you pushed me away, I thought..." I cut him off by putting my hand on his face.

"Hardin, I love you and you know that. But you and I have been in each other's life for years and maybe we just feel obligated to be together but we really don't." I kiss his check. "Maybe if we are meant to be something will happen for us both to see and realize that we are supposed to be together." He turns with tears in his eyes, and holds me close.

"I love you Tess." He gave a half smile.

"I love you Hardin." I give him a quick kiss and he pushes me into the water. I lift from the water and see his beautiful smile I love so much. Did I do the right thing?