The Dreams of Princes

Part IV

The thought of both families having issues brought Cas's families issues to mind, and he found himself desperate to avoid those thoughts. Of course, he couldn't seem to escape them. So, as Cas lay in his room, he found his mind wandering to his parents discovering Gabe was gay and nearly having him vanished from the kingdom. After something like that, how could Castiel dare tell them he was gay as well? It always felt like he was trying to console Gabe, but Gabe knew about Cas as well, so he helped him. It was crushing to always have to hide such a big part of himself from his own parents.

He found his thoughts looping like a broken record, ramping his anxiety up as they twisted and tangled. Deciding to try to settle down, he put in his headphones and listened to his favorite music as he stared at the hand painted decorations on the ceiling of his room. They were intricate, like those of the old days of art. Cherubs, clouds, angels and heaven itself adorned the ceiling of his room. But right then, he simply felt that they were laughing at him. Closing his eyes, he tried to drift to sleep.

Despite his best efforts, he was still stuck with his mind on the issues with his own family. So, he decided to walk the halls and just listen to music and think. His guards weren't there, which was a relief, if he were being honest. They'd decided he didn't need one hundred percent protection in the castle, which was protected enough on its own.

So, he just walked. Turning on his music and hitting shuffle, he simply moved, letting his feet guide him as he mulled over his thoughts. There were too many of them and nowhere for them to go but in circles. He wasn't paying attention to where he was, how he got there, or where he was going; he simply listened to the music and let it take him wherever it lead.

That was, until his entire body came to a stop as he slammed into someone.

Gasping, he fell harshly, cursing as he hit the ground. He turned his music off, looking up to see who the mystery person he had walked into was.

Of course, it was Dean. Red eyed and exhausted, but Dean all the same. He reached a hand down to help Cas up, smiling softly. Cas could see how empty Dean felt in his eyes, but he didn't want to impose, so he said nothing of it.

"Sorry," Dean said apologetically, releasing Cas's hand. "Caught up in my thoughts. And it looks like you might be just as lost as I am."

"Yeah, that's the understatement of the year," Cas sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "How about a deal, so we can both unload our thoughts? I'll tell you what's wrong, and you tell me."

Dean considered, and then nodded, looking at Cas gratefully. It was easy to tell that Dean wanted to rant about this curse without being told that it was his duty, as his parents would, or that he would get out of it, as Sam would. Cas was willing to be the ear he needed. Dean spoke, snapping Cas from his reverie.

"But not here. Follow me," Dean said, tugging Cas behind him. Cas caught up to him, walking beside him. These two had a habit of walking fast, he'd noticed. Not that he couldn't keep up with them if he tried, of course. But their average was far above his normal. It was like they never stopped moving, living, doing. They were electric that way.

Dean wove into rooms and deeper into the castle, eventually landing them in a maintenance closet with Cas behind him, confused. He went up a ladder, gesturing for Cas to follow him. Before Cas knew what was happening, they were on a flat area of roof, overlooking the setting sun and the sky.

"Almost no one knows about this," Dean said quietly, a soft smile dancing on his lips as he stared at the horizon.. "I like to think of it as my place to hide from the world."

"I get that entirely. Sometimes I wish I could hide away and never come back, be a normal person and not a future king." Cas shifted into the roof until he found a position that was comfortable, with his back leaning against the cool stone wall of the castle. Dean sat beside him, and Cas smiled.

"Well, Dean, since it was my idea, you can go first," Cas said, laughing as Dean wrinkled his nose grumpily, crossing his arms loosely.

"That is so cheating!" He muttered, then turned to face the sky. "Yeah, I guess I'll go. You see, my parents have always had this country they didn't get along with. Something to do with their behavior towards us. I don't know. But about three months ago, they threatened war unless I would agree to marry Lisa the day I turn twenty one. And that seems far away now, but I'm already nineteen. This won't last too much longer, and then all my freedom is gone," Dean said, exasperated. "What if I wanted to find someone I loved? What if I wanted a choice in it? I guess it's too bad, because I never got one."

He was trying not to cry, Cas could tell. Cas wouldn't try to offer advice, because anything Cas had to say, Dean had already heard. Instead, he simply set his hand on Dean's arm and nodded to him. Dean nodded back, glancing away and wiping at his face.

"Well, that was my turn. You're up," he said, voice thick with unshed tears. Cas made no comment on this, not wanting to embarrass Dean. Instead, he simply looked out to the horizon and began to speak.

"It's... not nearly as bad," Cas said, trying to show Dean that he did care about his struggle. "Here goes, I guess. So, about a year and a half ago, my younger brother, Gabriel, came out to my parents. They went ballistic, called him all sort of names, and threatened to have him vanished from the kingdom and from existence. So he never mentioned it again. Except, that is, to me. I've been his only comfort, and he's tried to be mine as well. Because, after that kind of display, who would want to be the one to break it to them that they have two gay sons?" Cas said, sighing nervously. "Certainly not me. I couldn't stand the idea of it. So I never have. Gabe tries to listen to me as much as possible, knowing that he's my only option, and I do the same for him, but it isn't the same and telling them isn't an option. If they knew, they'd hate me, and they'd probably try anything on me so that they don't get me as a successor. I'm not sure. But it's just hard, hiding the way you feel from your own parents, knowing they'd hate you if they knew." As Cas finished, he saw Dean looking at him with a strange look. It was making Cas a bit nervous, honestly. Dean opened his mouth slightly, closed it, and then spoke.

"You're gay?" He said quietly.

"Yeah. Big surprise, huh? I'm not the most sly about it," Cas joked, trying to lighten the currently intense situation. Dean nodded, looking a little sick. Cas felt his stomach drop. No, no, no. This had to be a misunderstanding, this had to be some kind of sick joke. Desperate to save the situation, Cas began rambling quietly.

"Dean? I'm sorry, I didn't know if it would make you uncomfortable to know that about me. Please don't hate me," he whispered, and Dean glanced at him.

"I don't hate you, Cas, I promise I don't. But I really have to go," he said, some strange tone in his voice that was almost desperation. Was he really that desperate to get away from Cas?

Before Cas knew it, Dean had fled down the ladder, and Cas heard the door downstairs open and slam shut. Cas sat where he was, not moving, as a fresh wave of tears hit him. Great. One of his two friendships, and he'd ruined it within two days. Not that it was his fault if Dean was homophobic, but it still hurt to open up to someone about being rejected just to get more of the same rejection. He lay there until late, staring at the stars and trying to tell himself that it wasn't his fault that Dean felt that way, that it wasn't his fault that Dean had run away.

But he didn't believe that for a second, and he knew it. It felt like everything had been drained from him. All of his emotions had been turned up to a painful high, but his energy had left him completely. So he sat, broken sobs racking his body, trying to motivate himself to move, to go to bed. It was getting far too cold to stay out, and he was miserable.

Finally, after way longer than it should have been, he got up the energy to slide off of the roof and get to bed. As he passed Dean's room, he heard him talking with Sam, and Sam sounded angry, but who knew why. Cas didn't have enough energy to care. He simply walked into his room, threw his clothes on a ball in the floor, and fell into a restless sleep.

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There's some plot drama coming up my fellow humans, enjoy please because I'm having a great time writing. <3