When a Flower Dies

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 When A Flower Dies

My name is Violet and I am 28 years old and I have a... had... a daughter but she died, she got sick when she was about 2 and a half. Her name was Rose, her father's name was Jason, a little while after Rose had died We had started to see a couple's therapist try and help us cope with her death. Around when her Fourth birthday would have been, he ran away and I never saw him since.

Nowadays, I spend my time at my house with my puppy, his name was Orchid, and he was born around the same time Rose was, My sister and her husband had a litter of Blonde Pomskies and gave Jason and I one as a gift for Rose, We had hoped they would grow up together but things didn't turn out as we thought they would. When she was almost 2 we noticed that she wasn't feeling well, so we took her to the doctor for a check-up to make sure that everything was okay and she wasn't sick, the clinic said that she didn't see anything worse than flu symptoms, She gave us some medicine to give her to help her out with the coughing and sneezing.

Eventually, we thought that all of her symptoms had gone away and she was better, and she was for a while until she started to throw up after dinner one night. Jason had picked her up and took her to the bathroom and cleaned her up then took her to her room to get changed, I was stuck on clean up duty while he got the easy part. As I was cleaning up the dinner table I noticed that there was a red substance on the table, after I looked at it I knew it was blood, I didn't want to believe it but it was but I didn't have time to think about it so then I ran straight to Rose's room and told Jason that we needed to take her to the E.R., then I told him that I had seen blood where she had thrown her food up at. We had taken her to the E.R. and got her to a doctor, The doctor had said that he didn't know what it was and that he wanted to take an X-Ray

When A Flower Dies

of her chest just to be safe. After the X-Ray The doctor said that she had... she had a tumor in her lungs. The doctor said that we were lucky that it was caught early and that we would have a higher chance of survival, but the treatment didn't do much, she ended up getting worse and worse all the way up until her third birthday, She... She died that day.

It's been a year since she died, today would be her Fifth birthday, June 3rd. I decided to celebrate Roses birthday today, I invited over my sister Sarah and her husband Jackson along with their daughter Olivia, I also invited my Mom Hope, I never met my dad, but my mom told me when I was younger that everybody had called him Red when he was younger. From what my mom tells me he had died in a car accident a couple days after I was born.

Everyone at the party tried their best to try and stay in a good mood and make me feel better, they asked if I was okay and gave me a couple things to decorate Roses tree with. When it came time for her funeral, I wanted them to bury her in the backyard by the willow tree and we had her name engraved in the tree with her mobile from her crib hanging from a branch above the spot where she was buried.

It's Been a week since the party and I still can't sleep, every night since she died I've laid awake at night thinking of the night she died, the moment that the E.C.G. flat-lined echoes through my thoughts every time I try to sleep, the doctor gave me meds to try and help me sleep, but they don't work. The times that I do get some sleep I dream of a place where I and rose are together again. I've even started to avoid most of the people around me, because I've started to feel like I'm disconnected from everybody, like everyone around me is doing their own thing with each other and don't have need for me.

The doctors all say that everything will be okay and that things aren't as bad as they seem, but then I follow up with asking them if they've ever lost a child at the age that Rose was,

When A Flower Dies

none of them have ever said yes and I've been to 4 different therapists, each with the same specialty, people like me who have lost someone significant. No one seems to be able to help, no one knows how I feel, no one understands. Some days I contemplate over suicide, just so I can see her again, I'd give anything just to be able to see how she would've turned out in life.