space dust || boyf riends

prologue

prologue - snap out of this

The front of the classroom is no place for a new student to sit. Especially if that student has a history like mine.

I'm finding it hard to stay awake, and it's not even first period yet. Mom dropped me off early so I could get a look at the place and find my classes before everyone else crams into the hallways. I remember her telling me goodbye with that perfect smile of hers, then she rolled the window up and drove off.

Only my parents would make their child go back to school after spending weeks in the hospital. My therapist recommended that they transfer me to a different school because the old one had always caused me problems. I got bullied a lot, according to everyone else, and that's supposedly what sent me into my third attempt.

Let's get one thing straight: I didn't try to do it because I was being bullied. I wasn't getting bullied. Even if I was, I wouldn't try to take my life because of it.

Back to what I was saying about the front of the classroom. The teacher told me to sit here. I don't want to talk to anyone, not even the teacher, so I just listened without a word. Usually, I'd try to argue with the adult about this, but I've already argued with my parents today and I don't have the energy to argue any more.

I tug on my sleeves, something I tend to do when I'm fidgety or just nervous. I wasn't planning on wearing black today. I told my mom that I'd wear something bright for my first day, like my light blue hoodie, and she was proud of me for it. But after I got pissed at her this morning, I quickly chose the black one just to get on her nerves. I'm sure I'm going to get called emo trash today (or something along those lines), but it's not like I haven't been called that before.

The room is filled with uncomfortable silence, and I'm left wondering when the warning bell is going to ring. I look back at my schedule in my hand and read it for the millionth time. My ears and my mind begin to buzz. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to think of something to distract myself for a while, but it just makes everything look dark.

I sit here with my eyes closed for a moment, wondering when that ringing will leave my ears. I wish I was at home right now, recovering like how I should be. I'm unsure if school was the right thing to do for me. Maybe I should discuss that with Dr. Wilson. I tell myself that I'll probably be fine, but am I going to be fine?

The warning bell rings, causing me to jolt slightly. I quickly look back at the paper in my slightly clammy hands. I shouldn't be so nervous, especially since isn't the first time I've had to switch schools toward the end of the school year. I know things will be a little bit different here. Maybe the kids won't be so horrible and there won't be that many fights. But to be fair, the last school was kind of a ghetto school. I'm sure it'll be okay.

Well, everyone says it'll be okay, but is it going to be okay?

I don't know. Maybe, hopefully, I'll make it here if I just keep to myself. Several kids begin to step into the room, and my anxiety seems to spike. I've never been much of a people person. As more and more come in, I stay focused on the schedule in my hand, trying to memorize it more than I already have.

I can't help but wonder what they're thinking. I hear a few murmurs, but nothing much after that. Only a few people notice me, and the boy who filled the seat next to mine doesn't seem to know I exist. Good. I don't intend on making any friends (or enemies) for the rest of the school year.