I really thought that I knew my gender and was comfortable with it, but then all of these doubts and questions kept flooding in. One of the main questions was, Do I think nobody loves me so I'm convincing myself I'm nonbinary so it won't matter if they don't love me? No matter what I did, no matter what I told myself, I could never make this question go away. And, honestly? I don't know the answer.
I have so much internal transphobia because of this. I keep telling myself that it doesn't makes sense, that there are only two genders, that I'm invalid. Or that I'm faking it.
All of this has made me so tired. My bones feel heavy and my head is full of clouds. I don't know who I am. What if I think I'm unlovable and this is my solution---to convince myself that I'm someone else? No matter how hard I try, I can't find the answer. It's maddening
Oh and on top of that, I've been trying to stay away from LGBTQ+ content on social media and books and stuff because what if all the stuff I'm reading is influencing me to think a certain way? I feel kind of isolated though, and I don't know why I'm feeling this way.
KAMU SEDANG MEMBACA
(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐍𝐨𝐭 ♥
AcakWelcome to my odd and sort of disastrous life... Excuse the chaos that is this cover. It represents my catastrophic brain. Trigger Warning: Cussing, dysphoria, depression, etc.
