😔💔..
Nobody physically died...it was me.mentally and emotionally I passed away...I kept trying to smile,laugh,joke and hold it all in that it slowly but finally killed me.I'm not as happy as it seems. I honestly don't know anymore...I tried so many things and it seems like I can't find a solution to my problem. I smoke. I drink. I cut. I cry. I laugh. I smile. I play. I joke. I help others. I fix. I try and build. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE NOTHING WORKS I ALWAYS END UP HURT. My chest hurts so bad. I want to scream and cry. I want to jump off of a fucking cliff. I want to Rest In Peace. My heart has never felt so broken and cold. So lifeless. So lost.in the process of trying to fix my broken down heart I just crushed it. I tore it apart. I threw it away and I can still feel the faint heart beat. It took my mother 9months to give birth to me...and it took me only a short amount of time to not want the life that was given to me. There's no specific reason to why I no longer want to live this life I'm living I just don't want it. My heart hurts. But I'm not crying. I can no longer feel. I think I've reached my breaking point and from now on I'm no longer going to try...rip to me...rip to my mentality...rip to my broken down heart...rip to the real me because the new replacement has no idea how to grasp onto reality...I pushed away someone that I wanted a future with...yeah I'm done for...all I wanted to be...was happy...Whats wrong with me...frfr what is going on inside of my head...I don't know..I keep questioning myself and I have no answer...hopefully I grow up to become someone better...hopefully I get better.I've finally allowed my demons to take over💔I've allowed my dear old friend depression to enter and take over...I've accepted the consequences to my past actions...I've allowed the real me to rest...I've allowed my broken heart to rest...now it's just black. My mask has finally broke and WHATS underneath is finally being revealed and it is not pretty...this is a new chapter to my book and sooner or later it'll be the end...I'm gone..I'm lost but not afraid.just gone💔
2/29/20 I allowed my soul to leave my body and rest in the sky.💔
