A story of fire and ice

17.

The only physical intimacy Jessica and Alan had going on was sharing a bed - Alan was not doomed to sleep on the couch any longer -, stealing a kiss every now and then and in rare occasions holding each other's hands. Even though they both knew they wanted to take it further than that but couldn't. But the mental intimacy - damn. The feeling they shared while looking at each other or just being near each other was just pure sexual tension, and it drove them both mad. But still, Alan didn't lay one hand on her when they slept in the same bed, and Jessica didn't drive him mad with making out anymore. And it wasn't just sexual tension, it was also as if they had a personal understanding with each other.

Jessica had no idea when it had happened, but since a few days it was as if she could read Alan's mind just by the look on his face, as he seemed to be able with hers. It felt weird, scary and familiar at the same time. Maybe it was because they had been living together for an intense amount of time, Jessica thought. Even though they didn't know each other for so long, they had spent an intense three weeks together.

It didn't even feel like three weeks since Jessica left New York. It felt way longer, as if New York was a different life. In a certain way it was; her life had changed so much since she stayed over with Alan in Los Angeles, and maybe only for the better. She missed New York though, with its cold and most likely grey winter days, its hurried people and its crowded loneliness. She almost even missed Sarah. Sarah, who had texted her 'Merry Christmas!' but didn't wish her a Happy New Year. Sarah, who had ditched her as soon as she got a chance to move out on her, and never looked back or seemed to care. Sarah, who had always promised never to leave her alone, just like Alan would always say - but at least Alan had kept to his words. For now.

Jessica shook her head at that thought and fought it back. She needed to stop thinking that way, needed to stop assuming that everyone in her life would leave her eventually. Alan wouldn't, she was sure. Alan was too good of a person for that. He cared about her, even loved her - he had said so herself. But so had Sarah...

'Argh!,' Jessica let out, throwing her head on her arms on the breakfast bar. Alan turned around, frowning at her. He was making her breakfast before he had to leave. He was already dressed, wearing a black skinny jeans with ripped knees and a plain black shirt while his hair was up in a small, messy bun. His appearance drove her positively mad on the inside, and she hated that he had to go today.

'What's with you?,' he asked, bringing his attention back to the egg he was scrambling.

'Nothing,' she muttered. 'Just... thoughts.'

'Oh.' They both stayed quiet, until Alan divided the egg over two plates with toast and avocado, and put one in front of her. 'Eat.'

'Hmm, I'm not hungry,' Jessica whined a bit, staring at her plate. Alan's face fell.

'You need to eat.'

'I don't want egg, it smells and I feel sick.' Jessica scrunched her nose and Alan sighed, then chuckled. He leant over the bar and kissed her nose.

'You sure you're not pregnant?,' he asked jokingly. Jessica made a face and pushed him away.

'No! And it's not something to joke about, Alan!' He chuckled nonetheless.

'You're right... Hey, I gotta go meet the band in the studio today, do you think you will be fine alone for a while?' He looked at her while he took a bite of his toast. Jessica bit her lip; it would be the first time she would be alone for a whole day here, and she had no idea what to do or where to go. That said, she had no money to go anywhere, or to do or buy anything, let alone with someone she knew. Because besides Alan, she hardly really knew anyone here.