Finding Hope

16

Ashley's POV

"Tommy do you know where Bash went?" Jens voice echoes through the hallway as she gets closer to my room and I turn to look up at my mate. We both know that the last week has been a rough one for everyone in the house but it's mostly taken Jen down into the pits of hell.

She's crying almost every time I see her and it's usually out of the blue. She could be doing something so simple as vacuuming the house and she'll break down.

"He should be with Hudson." Tommy calls back but she still comes marching into my room with a look of concern on her face.

"I know, I just thought they'd be back by now." She explains and I give her a gentle smile.

"I'm sure they just got caught up with the whole moon goddess and wolf thing for Logan."

"That's true." She nods. "Sorry, I just got minimal sleep because Milo won't stop attempting to break out of her crib and Bash and I keep alternating whose turn it is to go get the kid after she's broken free."

"Do you want us to watch her so you can take a nap?" I ask and her face lights up immediately.

"Did I ever tell you that you're my favorite person Ashley."

"I'm right here." Tommy rolls his eyes and she brushes him off.

"If Bash gets back while I'm gone tell him that he has to wake me up so I can bother him and make sure he's gotten everything for the dinner with your parents."

"That's tonight?" I ask while thinking about how little time I want to spend with Michelle.

We tried to salvage our relationship after everything but I can't keep up the bullshit. I can't act like I'm not resentful for how she acted that day with the council.

Tommy disagrees and thinks I should try harder, but lucky for him, I don't have to agree with him even if he's my mate.

"Yeah exactly, it's tonight." Jen gives me an annoyed look and I send one back.

"I physically cannot fathom sitting at a dinner table with everyone. I rather gauge my eyes out."

"Okay that's a bit extreme." Jen laughs. "I just don't want to explain to your parents why their son is planning a witches funeral and why Milo is growing so quick."

"You don't have to explain anything to them. They love you." I stand up from my bed and I motion to the door.

"Lead me to the cutest little girl on earth so that we can watch her while you sleep." She brings me to Milos room where toys are scattered around and Milo is laying on the ground with her favorite blanket.

"Milo come on." I smile as I pick her up and she immediately places her head on my shoulder.

"Jen, please get some sleep." I add as I leave the room and go back to Tommy who is sat on his phone. I place Milo down between the two of us and she giggles immediately.

We both sit in silence as she plays with her blanket in her hands and lets out little babbles every so often.

"Do you want kids?" I blurt out and he looks shocked at the words coming from my mouth.

"I'm sorry that was out of nowhere." I immediately follow up my previous question and he laughs. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, it was a valid question Ash." He pulls me closer to him and I put my head on his chest. "And to answer that question, I am not capable of being a father with my current position."

"I mean I could be." He adds. "I could be a father right now with my title and position in the pack but that would put a burden on you. I travel from pack to pack training and I'd be a good dad but I wouldn't be the dad I'd want to be or the mate I should be."

"I could be a mom." I shrug. "I could be, but I really don't want to be one any time soon. I don't want to bring a kid into our shit show. Our pack made a power move and I know that this is just the beginning. Things will be picking up in pace as soon as Logan gets his wolf back."

And if he doesn't? Then that's a world I really don't want to bring a child into.

I cannot imagine the chaos that would occur if they realize they can't solve everything. The only reason we've been okay is because they think they can solve everything.

If it turns out that we can't solve this issue we will all spiral down. Logan will most likely run away as well. I've known him most of my life and I know how he acts. I know how his brothers act and if he's anything like Tommy he will most definitely run off.

I don't want to watch Logan leave. It would shatter the perfect little glass castle I've been allowed to live in for almost all my life.

"So we just continue living babe. No need to worry about those things right now." He leaves a kiss on my head and I smile.

I didn't think I'd ever get my mate. I thought I'd spend my whole life looking for someone who didn't exist. Words can't describe how grateful I am that I got the mate of my dreams. I got the boy I always looked forward to being around when I was younger.

"Do you think this dinner will go smoothly?" He asks me a more simple question in return as I pull Milo back from the edge of the bed where she's managed to crawl to.

"I know our families and I don't think a family dinner will ever go smoothly."