FALLING IN LOVE

1 Kik

I was sobbing, trying to control my tears and voice so that no one in my family knew I am crying.

When it was hard to take I got up and hastily went to washroom,opened the tap and splashed water on my face and finally gave up the lumps formed in my throat. I cried loud, tears flew down from my eyes and after some time I felt there are no more tears left . My eyes were sore and swollen. I splashed water again all over my face and went back to my room acting normal all again.

'What happened to your eyes' my mausi(mother's sister) asked.

'Nothing, may be I over slept' I said trying to hide my face from her. I took the towel and dried my face.

'That's why I tell you not to sleep in afternoon' she said. 'You should be worried about your exam. Its only a month left'  she added.

I nodded and came back in my room,sat on the chair. My books were lying on the table that she has especially set for me before I came here. I kept hands on my eyes trying to relax them a bit and the flashback started .

How I went to delhi for preparing UPSC. The coaching, my friends ,my teachers. Me studying for hours. Everything was perfect and then the betrayal. The betrayal that cannot be even said as betrayal. My emotions make me weak every time. And agin I could feel the water droplets near my eyes.

'Fuck, not again' I said to myself and took out my phone to distract myself. 

My mausi came in the room with a cup of tea.

'Have it'  she said.

I took the cup and started thinking about the efforts my family is making for me. I can't disappoint them. I need to be strong. I need to come out of this mess ,I reminded myself.

I clicked on the playstore and downloaded kik. I have heard about this app. You can share your pain with random people and they counsel you. You also get a chance to counsel people who are suffering. I thought to give it a shot and spit my pain in front of a random stranger because my friends were already busy for THE exam approaching and they have already warned me about the guy I lost my sleeps and study over. Also I found no point in discussing my pain with them because I already know that they will just tell me to forget him and I needed help to forget him .

I was exploring the new app where I found the section 'kokobot' . I clicked on it and there it was I could seek help.

I typed the problem in short. There was a word limit.

'My boyfriend cheated on me with my cousin.Now I am stuck and cannot move on' I typed.

And the replies came , even from different countries. But that reply caught my eyes. He had mentioned his kik id at the end of his advise in case I needed to talk about it in detail.

This was what I needed most. Talk in detail. I clicked on the id and sent him a ' Hey'

His reply was instant.

'I am the same girl you offered help in kokobot' I typed and hit send.

'Hey don't worry about it. They will suffer due to their act ,you just stay strong' he texted me.

'I expected a different reply. I thought he is going to help me. But he is suggesting me like everyone else.

Disappointingly I texted 'Okay' and went offline.

Then I opened the app again and saw his message ,'We can talk about it if you want'

' Have your dinner' my mausi called for me.

'Yes coming' I said and hurriedly wrote the text. ' Yes,thank you we can but may be over call. Its a long story' I hit send before my mausi calls my name again.

I put the phone in charge and went to have dinner hoping things might get better when someone will understand what I am going through because everyone around me was lacking empathy and was just forcing me to study hard not considering my mental state.

Dinner felt tasteless as usual. I never felt hungry after all that shit happened in my life. I finished my dinner soon,may be it was the excitement to talk to him or may be it was my habit of avoiding people as much as I can after the things I went through.

I left to my room after finishing my dinner and opened the app to see if he has texted me his number.

So there was his number and I felt relieved. I don't know why but it was relaxing to feel you have someone who can listen to you.

"So when can I call you?" I texted him.

"Tonight in few minutes" he replied.

I instantly took my earphones and slided into my comforter waiting for his text to finally let me call him.

And five minutes later my phone buzzed.

'Hey call me' text flashed on my screen.

I typed the ten digits on my dialer and hit the green button.

Finally I have someone who will listen to me deep inside I thought.