save me

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⚠️⚠️WARNING: this story if very sensitive and very deep. i know things like this happen in real life and i'm not meaning to offend anyone in anyway at all. it's just a story and it's my imagination. i'm sorry for the people that have ever had to go through these type of things in anyway, but you are beautiful. and so strong! i'm always here to talk too. my dm's are always open❤️⚠️⚠️

"Yes, mom," I say while writing some notes down on a piece of paper. Right now I'm grading papers while talking to my mom on the phone. "Everything is going just fine."

In all honesty it's not fine at all. My life is absolutely insane and so crazy. Living my life is so scary because I have no clue what it to come. Everyday is so new to me.

"Well I will let you go," she says, "Have a great rest of your day. I love you and tell Justin I said hi."

"I will, love you too," I say. I hang up the phone and I lay it on the bed. I start to grade more of my papers. I am a school teacher and I teach fourth graders.

I live in Washington with my boyfriend Justin. We have been together for four years and I wish we weren't together. Justin and I don't get along at all, but I can't leave. He beats me so bad where there are times I can't see or even breathe. He also has raped me so many times that I can't believe I'm not pregnant. I can't get out of it either because he has threatened to kill me so many times if I try to run. There is no hope and I can't run from him.

I put my pen down and I move my things aside. I stand in front of the mirror in our room and I look at my body. There are tons of bruises on my face and still some dry blood on my nose from this morning. He hit me this morning because I didn't make him breakfast. Right now I'm supposed to be at work, but the bruises were so bad today that I couldn't go. I usually cover them up with makeup, but it's too bad to go in today. I'm surprised he even let me stay home.

Justin works at a doctors office at the front desk, so he brings home most of the money. He makes sure to remind me of that too. He always says I'm worthless because I don't make as much money as him.

"Ivy!" I hear from the downstairs, "I'm home!"

"In the bedroom!" I yell back. I lay back down on the bed and I act like I'm doing my school work. If he doesn't see me doing something he will be pissed off at me.

The door opens and he sets his bag down by the door. I'll have to pick that up later on or I'll get yelled at for that too. "Hey, baby. How was your day off?"

I put on a small fake smile, "It was good. I cleaned the house and I got a lot of papers graded. How was your day?"

He sighs and starts to take his shirt off to change his clothes, "It was okay. There was a lot of people in the office today."

"Aw, I'm sorry," I say. I know I have to be nice to him and be on my best behavior or else he will just start hitting me again. And I don't want that to happen right now. I stand up from the bed, "I'll go make dinner."

I start to walk to the door and he steps in front of me, "I'm sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have done that to you." He touches my cheek where the bruise is and I flinch back a bit. He pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head, "It won't happen again." That's what he always says, but it always happens again, "I'm sorry, love."

"It's okay," I say weakly.

He lets go of me and I go downstairs to start to make dinner for us. He does this shit all the time. He will hate me in the morning and by evening he is trying to be nice to me and then at bed time he is hitting me again. Or trying to make me have sex with him.

He really is bipolar and he needs so much help. I wish I would have never got together with him and I wish I would have just ran a long time ago, but I can't do that.

I would just get killed.

***

It's been about four hours since Justin got home, so it's 11 o'clock at night. I'm laying on the bed trying to get some rest, but that rarely happens. I never sleep. I honestly haven't had a normal night of sleep in four years. I haven't been able to sleep ever since I got with him and he started terrorizing me.

The door opens up, "What are you doing?" He yells.

I turn around on the bed to look at him, "I'm trying to sleep. I have work tomorrow."

"Well I thought you said you cleaned the house?" He yells. "Why aren't the clothes folded?"

"I just didn't have time to do it today. I did a bunch of other things," I say.

"Go do it now!" He yells, "You piece of worthless shit!" See what I mean. He is so bipolar. He needs so much help. He isn't right in the head.

I get out of bed and I walk to the door. He stops me by grabbing tight on my wrist. He spins me around and smack across the face.

"Next time it'll be done," he says. He slaps me again. "You are so worthless!" He slaps me again and I feel a few tears fall down my face. "Don't cry, you baby." He slaps me again and pushes me towards the door.

I go downstairs to the living room as the tears roll down my face. I start to fold the clothes and I think about my whole life.

It's all been such a mess and it's not even worth it at this point. I can't live a normal life. I've always wanted to find the love of my life and have the best times with them, but this isn't it. This isn't what I wanted. I can't go out without covering my body with makeup. He yells at me everyday and I have nobody to turn to. There is absolutely nobody and I don't know what to do at this point.

I might as well just give up. I don't understand why I haven't just gave up yet? This shit is way too hard for me and it just drains me so much. I want out of it all and I don't know how to leave. I should just leave and if I die, I die. It's not like anyone would care anyways. Nobody would even notice that I'm gone.

It wouldn't matter.

[The next morning]

I wake up in the morning in my bed with the blankets covering me. I turn over and Justin is gone. He had to leave for work early today, so that's why he is gone. I'm glad he isn't here, so I can get ready for work in peace.

I roll out of bed and I put my clothes on for the day. Once I'm dressed I turn on some music and I sit down to cover up everything with makeup.

I sing along to "PRETTYMUCH" as I get ready. They are a boyband that I found four years ago. I've been in the fandom since day 1. I know it seems crazy to be in love with a boy band at the age of 22, but it doesn't matter to me.

The boys have been the only ones there for me the past four years even though I've never met them. They have given me the motivation to keep on living and to do what's best for me and for my life. The boys have honestly kept me alive all of these years and they have taught me so much in my life.

They are what have always put a smile on my face and they make me so happy. They make me so happy with their crackheads selfs and I would most likely be dead without them.

I truly believe that they are what has saved me and kept me well these four years. Nobody will ever understand my connection with them, but that doesn't matter to me because I'm the only one that needs to know and have the connection.

They have gone on tour a few times and I really hope to go to one some day. It's probably impossible because of Justin, but I can keep hoping that it'll happen one day.