Kyle in chains / eric cartman x kyle broflovski

5-

Cartman's house was dark and silent as we entered through the front door. He had mentioned earlier that his mom was out of town on a 'business trip'. I didn't pry for details. The journey here had been silent. The walk had helped clear my head a little and I had managed to get rid of my boner thanks to the lingering taste of bile in the back of my throat being a total turn-off. Leaving the key in the door where he'd locked it behind us, Cartman strode by me and made his way up the stairs.

'Well, since I'm covered in Jew barf, I'm gonna go take a shower. I guess you can use it when I'm done, if you want. In the meantime, make yourself useful and get some coffee brewed. And try not to throw up again – we've just had the kitchen floor retiled.'

His voice fades slightly as he ascends the staircase, but I got the basic gist of what he said. I obediently wander across the living room into the kitchen and start up the coffee maker, trying my hardest not to think about Cartman upstairs in the shower. As the coffee started to drip into the pot, I went to the sink to splash some cold water on my face. My eyes feel so sore – I haven't cried like that in a while. Stupid whiskey.

I don't usually drink coffee, but I desperately want to sober up before I do or say something stupid again. I pour myself a mug of black, adding a little water from the cold faucet so I can drink it quicker. By the time I've finished, Cartman appears in the kitchen doorway, hair still wet from the shower. He's wearing silky burgundy pyjamas. He looks good in that colour. I lick my lips unconsciously, trying not to stare. I've got to get a hold of myself. Just as I'm about to pour myself another cup of coffee, Cartman approaches and looks me up and down.

'Your clothes are wet.'

I look down at myself. He's right – my shirt and jeans are still damp from where I was sitting in the snow. Cartman shrugs and starts fixing himself a cup of coffee. He's deliberately not making eye contact with me. Helping 'the Jew' out in his time of need must be a real strain on Cartman's sense of pride.

'You can hang them up somewhere to dry if you want, I don't care where. There's a t-shirt hanging up on the back of the bathroom door that you can wear for the time being. It'll probably be a bit big on you, but I guess it beats having your scrawny Jewish ass running round my house naked.'

I frown at that – I'm not scrawny. I've played basketball since I was nine, and although I'm skinny, I have some degree of muscle tone. It's very subtle, but it's definitely there. I consider voicing these thoughts, but I really can't be bothered with an argument right now. As I turn to make my way upstairs, Cartman speaks again.

'Oh, and there's a spare toothbrush underneath the bathroom sink if you wanna get the taste of scotch, ribs and vomit out of your mouth.'

I wonder if Cartman is being so thoughtful deliberately to freak me out. Or maybe he's just doing it so he can get in more wisecracks about me puking on him. I turn back to look at him – he still has his back to me. This is the longest I've ever seen anyone take to pour coffee into a cup. I'm not quite sure what to say.

'Err...thank yo-'

Cartman clears his throat, interrupting me. 'It's getting late. You should really hurry up and take your shower.'

He clearly doesn't want me to thank him, so I decide to cooperate and head upstairs to the bathroom. As the door closes behind me, the t-shirt Cartman told me about falls from the hanger on the back of the door. I pick it up and inspect it briefly – I don't like wearing blue and it probably will be too big for me, but I'm strangely looking forward to wearing it. I hang it back up and start unbuttoning my shirt. The part of me that's wary of Cartman wants me to check the room for hidden cameras before taking off my clothes. I choose to ignore this notion. At least if Cartman is secretly filming me naked so he can use the footage to blackmail me at a later date, he'll also have video evidence that I'm clearly not as scrawny as he thinks I am.