Screwed Up Love

Chapter 1

"Ashleigh, I want us to go back to the very beginning. What was the first thought that came to your head? ....Ashleigh? Ashleigh!"

"What? Huh?" I said zoning back in to the therapy session. "Sorry."

"It's fine sweetie " My therapist said.

"So, what were you saying?" I asked.

"Go back to the very beginning. Right before it happened "

"Well, we had just finished eating lunch together and then we walked to the subway station. I was dreading saying goodbye even though I knew he would be back in a couple of months." I said. "So anyway, then my phone rang and I answered it and was talking to my mother. I walked away to tell her I didn't have time, that I had to say goodbye to him ...then I heard yelling and terrified screams. I turned around and there's a crowd that has formed right before the platform. I heard the yelling continue and I looked and on the tracks was a homeless man I'm guessing. He looked around forty years old maybe. He was on the tracks yelling at the crowd. I looked over, trying to find Nathan everywhere. I finally saw him in the middle of the crowd. I smiled, relieved that he was okay. He mouthed the words " it's okay, I love you " then...well then he...he jumped d-down on the tracks and he-" I choked back the tears, my lip quivering. I felt a lump form in the back of my throat.

"It's okay...take your time " Beth said. "Here's a tissue " She said as she leaned over and handed me a tissue from the tissue box.

"Thank you." I said as I dabbed the tears away. "I um-I tried yelling at him, you know trying to get him to get back up there with me. He was such a good person , all he wanted to do was make sure the homeless guy got back up safely. He um...he tried grabbing his arm, to bring him back up to safety, but-" here comes the waterworks. "He started yelling and he grabbed Nate and pushed him down. I was screaming for someone to help but no one would help me...and I watched, as the subway came and killed my boyfriend. I lost it and broke into tears. People had to hold me back from jumping onto the tracks as well. Of course that's when they decide to help, but it was too late. Both of them were gone. I had lost him...forever. He died a hero, right in front of me."

"It takes a lot of courage to confront your emotions. I am very proud of you. I know it's hard now-"

"No! You don't know how hard it is because it didn't happen to you! It happened to me! I loved him! He loved me! And he was taken away from me! Just like that! What did I do to deserve this!?" I yelled.

"Nothing Ashleigh. Absolutely nothing. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. I am sorry and it's very upsetting to see you hurting and I'm sorry I am-"

"No. Don't pity me! I don't want any sympathy. All I want is Nate back!" I cried.

Beth came over and sat down on the couch next to me, wrapping her arms around me in a soothing way.

I stayed, wrapped in her arms and just continued to cry...