Force Destiny

Force Discovery

Three days. Three days Kylo spent sitting on the bare cot, his elbows on his knees, staring at the wall. Rose would bring him things every day—new clothes, a holochess board, fire-water. She was kind...and honest. She called him Kylo, played chess with him, and talked to him about everything but his past. He was grateful for it. The other man, Finn, would sometimes stop by with her. The admiral was the least comfortable around him, but he stopped by once to let him know there had been a "stay of execution" until the council had decided Kylo's fate, as if it meant anything to him whether he lived or died.

Rose hadn't said anything more about the woman, Rey, after that first day, but he knew it was an unspoken question between them. Would he keep her out forever? He had been resolved to do it until he heard her break down in tears outside his cell. The guards had done their part, keeping her out as Kylo requested, but he could hear her screams nonetheless.

"Just let me see him!" she pleaded outside the transparasteel door. "I won't talk; please, just let me see him. I need to know that he's okay!" He heard her screams echo down the corridor as they dragged her away; he even heard the loud thuds as she did something to the guards. He heard the sirens as the entire block went on lockdown, followed by her relentlessly pounding on the cell door. Eventually, she tried to use her weapon to cut it down. Her friends were successful in calming her down before the other guards came.

No matter what she did, Kylo forced himself to never glance up. He couldn't stand to see her eyes searching his for someone who wasn't there. There was something that drew him to her, but there was also something visceral he felt about disappointing her. It tore him apart inside that he couldn't be the person they all wanted him to be, but after three days, he lost his resolve. If he didn't let her in—let her see for herself that Ben was gone—she would end up in a cell right next to him.

The next time Rose came into his cell, he told her he would speak with the woman her other friends couldn't stop talking about. "Rey is this...Rey did that...this reminds me of the time Rey did the same thing." It was never-ending, and the faster he could show her that he wasn't the man she thought he was, the better.

Within minutes, he heard the soft thud of boots running down the corridor. "I'm here to see Ben," he heard her say breathlessly. His throat tightened with a mixture of emotions. The young woman was breathing raggedly as she entered the cell. Clearly, she had run from wherever she had been when Rose told her. Kylo sat in much the same position he occupied every day since he awoke—on the edge of his bare cot, elbows resting on his knees, biding his time as he stared blankly at the wall.

"Thank you for seeing me," she finally said, her voice small.

He had no doubt she was on the verge of tears, but he refused to look up at her. "Thank your friends."

"I like that color on you," she said, and he stared down at the blue flightsuit he had been given. He was about to respond, but then she finished her thought. "All you ever wore before was black."

Kylo sighed. He was already looking forward to the moment she left. "I hate black."

"I don't know how to play Dejarik well, but I watched you play...before. Will you teach me?" Her words sounded like she was fake smiling as she spoke them. She stood before him now, dragging the small table with the Dejarik set between them.

"I didn't know how to play, either," he said with annoyance. "Rose taught me."

The determined young woman sat down in the chair across from him, and he stared out the viewport. He knew this wasn't her fault; there was likely a time the man he had once been would have craved to be in the room with her, but he was not that man. He was tired of her reminding him of that every chance she got. "Have any of your memories returned?"

Scratching the back of his head in agitation, he spoke to the table rather than to her. "No, nothing. The med droids say it likely never will. Whoever you're looking for is never coming back."

"Ben, you don't know th—"

"My name," he growled, "is Kylo."

She was quiet for several minutes. Her breathing picked up, and he recognized the sniffling for what it was. The guilt began eating away at him until he finally looked up at her. When their eyes met, she immediately began searching his. They both knew what she was looking for; they both knew what she wouldn't find. Her stare dropped away in disappointment. She wiped the tears from her face with trembling fingers. "How are you?" she asked in a way that made him wish for the thousandth time that he could remember her. He believed Ben quite possibly loved her once, because he could easily fall in love with her under different circumstances. Glancing out the viewport again, he bit back a sudden barrage tears. "Do you need anything?" she asked. "You must feel so isolated in here."

"I enjoy the isolation," he murmured. "It's quiet."

"I can't stand how numb I feel with the Force suppression field." Her voice still quivered with emotion. "My head is already aching, and my body is fatigued from the absence of all the energy. I don't know how you can act like it doesn't bother you."

Kylo was tired and cold down to the bone in a way that he assumed was from the Bacta treatments, but he didn't feel the "absence" of anything. "It's okay, I'm fine."

She narrowed her eyes in what he assumed was disbelief, searching his stare again. "You must have forgotten what it was like out there...."

"It felt the same to me out there as in here," he sighed. "No headaches or fatigue. I don't feel what you feel."

"No, I'll show you. You have deep connections to the Force." She stood from the table, knocking over the chair in her haste. She moved for the door, and he thought for a moment she would leave. That was followed by guilt when he found himself relieved.

"Poe!" she shouted through the transparisteel door. "Turn off the ray shield! I need to test something!" He heard raised voices outside of the room. After a moment, the red hue to the room was extinguished. "Can you feel it?" she whispered, closing her eyes. "The Force. Can you feel it flooding into your veins...heightening your senses...it is your connection to the physical world around you. Breathe in the warm comfort of the light, but the darkness is never far away. Can you feel it? Can you feel the darkness hovering like a cloud around the edge of the light?"

Kylo felt nothing. When he didn't answer, she opened her eyes to find him. Either she finally believed him, or she felt something with the powers she was talking about, because he could see her smile fade. "I can't feel your darkness," she said as she backed away slowly. "The bond is still gone, but I expected that. I can barely feel you in the Force. Your energy is...faint, no stronger than Finn's or Poe's or...any other lifeform who is not Force-sensitive."

The corner of his mouth pulled into a sympathetic smile. "Do you see now? I'm not him." Her back hit the particle shield barrier for a split second before it faded away, a strong hand grasping her arm as she fell. She straightened herself, ripping her arm from the man in charge. The doors were wide open; Kylo could have strolled out if he wanted to, but he wasn't certain he could stand. A wave of dizziness passed over him. He leaned forward on his knees, listening to their conversation instead.

"What happened?" The admiral demanded.

"It's gone, Poe." Her voice was hysterical. Even if the doors weren't open, Kylo would have heard her. "It's gone."

Poe seemed as confused as he was. "What's gone?"

"His sensitivity to the Force...the bond...it's all gone."

"He has no Force powers? Rey, do you know what this means?" Poe asked excitedly. Evidently, the admiral didn't share her disappointment. "Without the Force, he is little threat to the galaxy. It wouldn't be difficult to persuade the other generals to accept a...less permanent...punishment. Hell, four of the fifteen already voted for releasing him without prejudice. Only two were pushing for execution anyway. Without the Force and his memories, this is good for Kylo. He's basically a new man. We can save him, Rey."

"Why do you care what happens to him or not?!" she shouted. "None of this matters to you! You don't care that he's lost the Force! You don't care that he lost his memories! You don't care what any of this means to me! You wanted him dead!

Those were the last words Kylo heard before the floor tilted up toward him and he was surrounded by darkness.