Love Isn't Always Fair

Chapter 13

Kylies POV

The last few days have been rough. The guys have 3 weeks left before they come back home. All I've been doing is counting down the days. This past month and a half without them has felt so eternal. I genuinely feel so lost and alone. I've been smoking and sleeping so much. Just praying the time goes by faster. I miss all of them, even Chris who still hasn't spoken to me. I just want to hug my brother, and apologize and just be okay again. I've been off my meds, therefore I've been somewhat spiraling. I have the worst manic episodes, and the worst lows after I calm back down. Since I've been back in Scranton, I've baked, cooked, smoked, played video games, went out for coffee, watched so many movies, redecorated my room, cleaned Ryan & Ricky's house. The list goes on and on, but it just seems that no matter what I do to distract myself. At the end of the day, I'm stuck looking at the calendar counting down the days.

I just got out of the shower and put on some sweats and one of Ryan's hoodies. After I got changed, I laid down in Ricky's bed and grabbed my phone. I had two missed FaceTime calls from Ryan. I quickly called him back and after a few rings his face popped up on my screen.

"Hey." He said looking at me.

"Hi, I'm sorry I was in the shower I didn't hear my phone."

"It's okay. I just wanted to call and check on you."

"Same old same old, Ryan. I'm just laying here in Ricky's bed."

He gave me a sad smile. "Have you decided if you're coming to the Scranton show yet?"

The guys played their last show of the tour in Scranton, and Ryan has been on my ass about going.

"I'm not sure. I don't want to upset Chris."

"Kylie, I've almost been a month since that shit happened. Life goes on."

"But it wasn't just some shit, Ryan."

He sighed as he nodded his head. "Just come anyway, and after that we'll all be going home together."

"Can I stay for a few days after you guys get home?" I asked him.

"Of course, you're more than welcome anytime. You know I love having you around."

"Well, I'll sleep on the couch considering Ricky is going to want his bed back."

Ryan laughed. "Oh please, Ricky would love to have you in his bed while he's there." Ryan said as he was looking up at someone.

"Really dude?" I heard Ricky's voice in the background.

Ryan laughed as Ricky sat next to him. Ryan pointed the phone to Ricky. He didn't have any of his makeup on, he was wearing a black shirt and his hair was down. He smiled as he saw me.

"Whatever Ryan said, don't take that inappropriately."

I smiled. "I know, Rick."

We all continued to talk until Korel pulled Ricky away to talk to him about his guitar.

"Ky." Ryan said looking at me.

"Hmm?"

"Have you been taking your meds?"

I tensed up and furrowed my eyebrows. "Yes?"

"Kylie."

"What? I have. What makes you think I haven't?"

"The sudden mood changes, the manic episodes, you're not your self. I can tell."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about, I'm fine."

"Why are you lying?"

"I'm not!"

"Kylie. Don't fucking lie to me. You know it's true."

I sighed as I looked up at the ceiling. Tears started forming in my eyes.

"So what? I'm alone anyway, it doesn't matter the mood changes or manic episodes. I've been here by myself for a month and a half. I'm fucking tired, Ryan. I forgot to take them one day, then one day turned into three, then three turned into weeks. I'm sick of everything. I want everything to go back to normal." I said as tears flooded down my face.

Ryan sighed. "You need to be back to normal too, though. You can't go off of your meds. They're so important. You have to take care of yourself and take them, Kylie. This won't last forever, and I know it has. Please, god it hurts to see you cry so much. Please just start taking them again. Your moods are all over the place because you're dependent on those meds. You know that."

I sighed. "I know." I said as I wiped my tears away.

"I'll be there in no time, Kylie. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's mine. I'm here because of a mistake I made."

"That's not the point Kylie, the-."

"Please don't say anything else." I said cutting him off.

He sighed and nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too, Ry."

"I hate to let you go, but I have to do soundcheck. If you want, I can stay on FaceTime and you can watch? It'll give you some company."

I shook my head. "I'm going to take a nap."

He sighed. "Okay. Please text me when you wake up."

"I will. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

We both said bye and hung up. I set my phone down next to me and got under the covers. I then fell into a deep sleep.