MaNan- Stupid for you (OS)

| | Stupid for you | |

Presenting you one of those stories that had  managed to torment me.

***

Only think about him on the weekdays and weekends
Only in the mornings and evenings
Only when I wake up and sleep in
Oh my God
Should have read the warning on the label,
I don't
Say proceed with caution, 
But I won't
Guess I do it often, I know I'm already gone

~Stupid by Tate MacRae

****

He was sick and tired of living his life. He had desperately been looking for an escape and sadly I became that one escape for him. Everyone might think, "It's romantic." But it isn't, at least not in my case. It's frustrating. It's as though you are falling into an endless abyss filled with darkness and pain.

For him I was more than his friend but not his girlfriend. We were very close but sadly we weren't committed.

"Manik!" I barged in his room, anger and frustration flooding my veins. He raised his head to look at me as he took a slow, long draw of his lit cigarette and blew the smoke out. On seeing him my steps froze and my anger just subsided within me.

"Nandini! What brings you here this late at night?" He asked. "I thought you had gone back home."

"You are smoking again!" I said blankly.

"This is not the answer to my question." He said as he kept his cigarette in the astray. I looked at him and for a moment I felt like emptying my heart out to him but it was as though a lump had formed in my throat.

"Come inside." He called me in. I sighed before walking in, closing the door behind me. I went and silently sat beside him on his bed.

"Is something wrong?" I could hear his concern filled voice and that made me want to cry but I held back.

I leaned on his shoulder, gently shaking my head in 'no'. The mixed scent of cigarette and his cologne hit my nostrils. The scent, to be honest, sucked but being in his arms was all I wanted.

He slowly wrapped his arms around my petite waist and pulled me closer. He said nothing and I couldn't say anything too. My frustration was eating me up but I stayed still in his arms, taking in his warmth.

I was angry because he had kissed Soha in the pub, that too right in front of my eyes. I wanted to confront him but "Who am I to do that?"

My eyes became teary but I held back my tears. Frustrated, I sat upright and looked at him. He too looked at me and before he could even register anything I climbed on top of him and kissed him hard. He instantly responded back, pulling me closer.

I loved him insanely. He made me feel angry, frustrated and hurt me a number of times. But still I resented and hated myself and not him. My mind was a mess, my heart was a double mess and I felt I was useless. He made me feel high as well as low.

"I love you." He said, out of the blue, taking me offguard but I knew there was something more to it. "I love you but I don't want to be in a relationship with you. I don't want to ruin what we have." He added, sipping his drink.

"I know and I love you too. I love you more than anyone else." It would be a lie if I say I hadn't been overwhelmed to hear those three words from him. But at the same time I was sad. He had given up on relationships and love, just because of his past relationship.

His past relationship had been hazardous and destructive. His ex would break up and patch up with him almost like on a daily basis. It was as though break up was his daily breakfast and patch up was his dinner. Funny right! But it wasn't funny for him. This shits hurt him and broke him but still he chose to stay with that girl. She betrayed him and did things to make him feel worst but he stayed with her. He was really stupid for her just like I was for him.