a/n: this fic was originally a one-shot that i wrote years ago. please enjoy this new, edited version ❤️
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They've been cramped together in the van for several hours already — on their way to an early morning schedule far from the city — when their manager finally decides to pull them all over at a rest station, a chance for the group to get out and stretch their legs. It's the middle of the goddamn night and the road has been looking the same for a while now, empty and endless, Kihyun staring out the window for so long that even when he looks away, he can still see stark white lines on smooth black pavement.
He's currently squashed into the back seat with Changkyun and Hyungwon, both sleeping, warm weights at his side all bundled up in huge winter coats. The car is completely silent, the lights turned off as the manager turns into the rest station parking lot, and for all intents and purposes, it's fairly cozy. Well, as cozy as a crowded van containing seven fully-grown boys and one very cranky manager can be.
They've got a few more hours to go on their trip, so they've all been drifting in and out of sleep, Kihyun the sole exception. He's been listening to the hum of the engine and hovering just on the edge of slumber, in that frustrating, aching place where one can't quite fall asleep but can't be considered totally awake either. It's not really surprising; Kihyun's had a lot of trouble falling asleep lately even at the comfort of the dorm in his own bed, much less squished in the back of a moving vehicle.
Kihyun knows what Hoseok would say if he knew that Kihyun wasn't sleeping well these past few weeks. He would suggest that Kihyun join him in the living room to work on some compositions, or maybe up on the dorm rooftop to admire the glittering city skyscrapers and to write some lyrics. He'd say that if neither of them could sleep (something that happened quite often), then they might as well go somewhere else, try to take their minds off of it and create something.
Then again, Hoseok might also suggest that Kihyun prepare a midnight snack for the two of them. After all, Hoseok would say, immersing himself in one of his favorite hobbies would definitely help Kihyun to clear his muddled mind.
"And what could be more enjoyable than cooking for your favorite hyung?" Hoseok would say, smiling that dazzling smile of his and laughing as Kihyun would playfully hit him in the stomach. Kihyun grins a little at the scenario playing out in his head, and his chest suddenly feels a little tight.
Kihyun can only see the back of Hoseok's head from where he's sitting right now, but from Hoseok's relaxed stillness, Kihyun can tell that he's managed to fall asleep, and he's happy that Hoseok is able to rest, he deserves it with how hard he works and how much energy he gives each day. More perhaps than any of them, Hoseok is the one who gives and gives and gives while never asking for anything in return.
But for Kihyun, there's just too much spinning around in his head for him to be able to slow it down, and it's too loud for him to cover it up or wave it away. Well, it's really just one thing, that one thing, and it's a constant burden on his shoulders, a thick haze that clouds all of his thoughts at all moments of the day and leaves him unable to ever rest, to ever truly rest.
Their manager finally pulls over to a slow, gentle stop in the near-empty parking lot and turns on the lights inside the car, unbuckling his seat belt and turning around to rouse everyone from their sleep all at once with a few loud smacks of his hand on the dashboard.
One by one each of the boys awakens and peels themselves out of their seats, all of them moving on autopilot, unbuckling their own seat belts and groaning as they stretch sore limbs and blink their vision into focus, the quiet stillness of the past few hours dissolved into a flurry of soft noises and motion. Minhyuk is the first to actually exit the car, wiping some drool off of his face before scrambling to open the door and mumbling something about the bathroom.
