Jonah
"You can't be serious, Jonah." Andi says on the other line. I lay on my bed, facing up at the ceiling, my phone at my side. I'm suppose to be getting ready for school, but that can wait. I had to call somebody about Walker after what happened the other day. And because TJ and Cyrus always spend the morning "doing homework" Cyguy wouldn't pick up, so I moved to the next best person.
"I am serious, Andiman." I reply, "I think so."
"You're first real guy crush! I'm so happy for you." Andi squeals, "You have to introduce him to us. And not Just a simple 'Hey this is Walker' Most of us already know him. More like 'Hey this is my boyfriend'."
"Yeah, what am I going to say? 'Oh hey Buffy, Marty, TJ, other friends of mine, here's my first real crush on a guy. It's not like I've been sneaking behind your backs going on dates with dudes without coming out to you. Did I mention that I was bi?'" Andi and Cyrus are the only "real official" people that I have come out too. Some other people at school know I guess, but they either don't believe it or choose not to.
"Yes, that's exactly how you should come out." Andi says sarcastically, but there is a hint of something else that I don't know in there. Like she's sad that I'm not officially out.
It's not like I'm hiding. I just don't see the point.
It's not like I'm going to fall in love with this perfect guy and we'll get married and grow old together.
"Yeah well I don't even know if he likes me back. I don't even know if I like him." I try and turn the conversation around.
"You called me at seven in the morning to talk about how cute these guys dimples are. You obviously have a crush on him." Andi reasons.
"I find everyone's dimples cute." I justify, "Ariana Grande, Harry styles, Zac Efron-"
"Does Zac Efron have dimples?" Andi interrupts.
"I don't know. He should, it would add to that whole 'I'm hot and cute in all of these singing and dancing movies where I can show my abs' thing." I huff, "Anyway, what I'm saying is that I haven't been in a real relationship in years, I don't even know what it's suppose to feel like."
"I think you're telling yourself this so you don't fall into a trap or get your heart broken." Is all Andi says after some silence.
"Since when did you become like Cyrus?" I joke, trying not to think about that.
"Since he started his psychology unit in school and not shutting up about it. It's a good thing TJ likes watching him ramble about the human brain. Honestly that boy will never love someone like Cyrus."
"We can't all find true love like they did." I pick up the phone, ready to hung up, there is a tiny twist in my heart.
"But you can, Jonah. You can if you just trust yourself, and the person that you are with. That's all it takes, a little bit of trust, a little bit of love. And Walker is a wonderful person, you just have to believe in yourself."
"You sound like the cat posters they hand in the office." I say, then, "Thanks Andiman."
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"Sheet music." I say to myself for the millionth time, "a piece of paper. It's one piece of paper and you can't find it in a room full of them." I pace backwards and forwards in the music room, trying to find where I left my song sheets for the next music performance at the shop.
Since they seemed to like "perfect" so much, I was trying to learn "Ironic" or "You learn" to impress them. Maybe I only wanted to impress one person...
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