Journey to Insanity 2020

March

I lie awake
waiting for the bell on the clock to toll
it rings once
it's two o'clock
why
why did it only ring once?
what have I done?
it's just a stupid bell
I hear the sounds of broken glass and screams of fucking hell
I would run to move to try and save her but my body says I can't
I'm stuck here in my skin
I'm stuck here within what was once
a child
and is now
a monster.

the bell tolls twice
each time pierced through me
a knife so sharp when it scores my skin effortlessly
it doesn't sting
not straight away
a single floorboard I hear is depressed
but I lie with the duvet still over my head
I'm convincer it's stood at the end of my bed but
maybe it will leave if I just lie here instead
it scares me
I feel it's weight
its breath makes mine heavy it's lungs
it's lungs make mine heavy.
my chest feels heavy
as it rips through me and waits inside
I hear the sound
of two dry lips
departing from each other's bond
as they become saturated
my brain becomes stimulated
but I don't shoot up to see who's there
I don't move
I can't
I'm scared