𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 ~ 𝙝𝙨𝙢𝙩𝙢𝙩𝙨 (𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙞)

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓.

Sitting on a slightly snowy bench just feet from the door to her dorm building, Nini stared at her phone screen. The cast list email had reached her before she'd reached the door, she'd made the mistake of opening it before going inside, and now here she was, sitting in shock, out in the cold. It was like being back in her freshman and sophomore years at EHS. She might as well be playing the back end of a cow. After playing Gabriella, here she was. An unnamed character in Chorus Girls Group B. All she wanted to do was curl up and cry. It wasn't even the part itself that was upsetting her so much it was knowing that the deck had been stacked from the very beginning. What she really needed was to talk to Ricky, or Seb, or Kourtney, literally anyone from home, but her parents were at work and all of her friends, even Big Red were at Little Shop of Horrors auditions right now.

"Nina?" A voice startled her out of her depressed fog. Nini looked up to find Gwen peering down at her with concern written all over her face.

"Oh," Nini said, trying to get herself put back together quickly. "Hi, Gwen."

"You okay?" She asked. Nini didn't know why, but it felt wrong to admit how upset she was about the casting.

"Yeah, for sure, did you see the cast list though? Congrats miss Cheerleader Number Two and Frenchy's understudy," Nini really was happy for Gwen who, as it turned out, might be the nicest person she'd met here.

"Thanks! I still think you were robbed though. It would have been so fun to have all our rehearsals together," Gwen reached out a hand to Nini and it felt like there was an unspoken understanding between them. They both knew what Nini wouldn't let herself say and what Gwen really meant when she said that Nini was 'robbed'. None of it had to be said. So, instead, Nini just took her offered hand and stood up to walk inside together.

As they entered the lobby Nini finally joked, "So how do you tell your parents that they shouldn't drag their elderly mother on a crazy road trip to barely see you in a show at the school that they're paying insane amounts of money for you to attend."

Gwen laughed. "Hmm, I'm pretty sure that when I was a villager in two scenes of Into the Woods Freshman year I told my parents that they wouldn't like the show very much and I didn't want them to come all that way to be bored," she said.

Nini laughed with her, feeling mildly better. "But seriously?" Gwen said pausing at the hallway where they would split off to go to their rooms, "My parents wouldn't care if I were the lead, they never come to my shows. Too busy with work and life, so if your family wants to come you should let them and be glad to have them there." Nini felt bad for how dismissive she had been towards Gwen in the beginning, clearly, there was a lot more to her than just her talent and money. Nini pulled her into a quick, tight, hug.

"Well, hey, if my moms do come, they'll want to meet you and you better bet they'll be here to cheer for you too," she told Gwen earnestly. Both girls headed to their own rooms feeling mildly better than they had before.

---

Nini dreaded the text that she was about to send to the group chat, but she knew that her friends would be expecting to find out her part at some point, best to get it over with.

Her message read: Hey friends! Hope tryouts were fun today! Someone better send a photo of the cast list in here when Miss Jenn posts it! As for my cast list, well, let's all welcome me back to being a small fish in a big pond! Yeah, I'm just in the chorus for this show, but on the bright side, I still get to wear fun vintage clothes. Sending you all so much love!

She hated that, despite her best attempt to sound happy, it still came across forced when she read it. Taking a deep breath, Nini pressed send. Within a minute her phone was ringing. She looked at the screen hoping to see Ricky's face, but to her surprise it was Seb.

Nini accepted the call and before she could say a word Seb practically shouted, "Alright, I'm getting on a plane. Tell me who your director is. I need to talk to them, I just want to talk."

Nini laughed, truly appreciating Seb's attempt to cheer her up. "I'm okay Sebby. I knew this was probably gonna happen so I was ready for it," she said.

"Well call me crazy, but I think you are way too talented to have your abilities wasted like this. I was not prepared for you to be anything less than Sandy."

"Seb, it's okay."

"See, Nin, you keep saying that but I know you and when you say that you're okay or that something's okay it's almost always because nothing is okay and you're trying to convince yourself that it is," Seb lectured her patiently. "So, I'm gonna give you one more chance to crack that shell and tell me how you're really feeling or I'll have to head down to the bomb shelter to find that boyfriend of yours so that you can tell him what's up."

"You guys are still at school?" Nini asked, her interest piqued, "Is the cast list up? How were auditions?"

There was a long pause before Seb continued, "Auditions were good, but I think Miss Jenn's having some trouble figuring out casting, she always says that casting is all about instincts so I guess her instincts are a little off right now." Seb paused again, but Nini could tell there was more he wanted to say so she waited for him to go on. "I think we're all a little off without you here. Maybe that's why I'm so mad about this for you. It just feels so weird, when we're all hanging out sometimes I'll forget where you are and look around the room for you and then I remember you're in a room almost ten hours away from here."

"Aww, Seb." Nini's heart hurt with guilt and longing for home, "I miss you guys so much."

"I mean, things are getting better, it helps to know that this is such an amazing opportunity for you. It makes it worth missing you, but well I'm sure it must have been difficult for you to see Ricky so upset that first week." Seb said, and Nini was about to say that she was actually surprised by how Ricky had kept himself together when she left, but then Seb continued speaking. "We'd be there and then all of a sudden he'd just get up and leave the room or things would seem completely fine, but then you'd look over and he'd just have tears running down his face almost like he didn't even know they were there. He's-"

"Woah, woah, wait, what?" Nini said, finally finding her voice again. "I had no idea about any of that. What the hell? Why did I not know? Why didn't any of you call me? You guys were supposed to take care of him." She was furious at literally everyone. Why would everyone, including Ricky, let him suffer like that and hide it from her?

"Well, honestly, I thought you knew. He said you guys were talking basically every night. It didn't even occur to me that he would have been hiding it from you. I can't speak for him, but I'm guessing he just knew that there wasn't a whole lot you could do and we were here for him in any way that we could be. Red and Gina were basically taking shifts babysitting him for the first week that you were gone." Hearing that Gina was involved in Ricky's secret breakdown was like a punch to her stomach. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Nini?" Seb asked but he was cut off by a voice in the background, Nini was pretty sure it was Carlos, "I'm sorry babe, the cast list is posted, I'll send a photo in the group, and I can call you back tonight. Do you want me to tell Ricky that he should call you?"

"No," Nini managed to choke out. "No, I think I'm gonna turn my phone off and do my homework for a bit. Good luck, love you Seb." Nini ended the call and stared at her phone for a moment. The worst part was that the person she was most angry with was herself. On the bright side, she'd managed to avoid telling Seb the details of what a variable nightmare this place had been.

Nini did as she had told Seb she would, she turned her phone off. She did her homework. And then she just conveniently forgot to turn it back on for the rest of the night.

notes:

you have no idea how much it hurts me to hurt Nini. I rewrote chapters 5 and 6 so many times cause I just need her to hurt in a way that she can grow from. Also, this chapter ended up kind of short?? soo, yes 6 is written I just need to edit and maybe make a couple of changes, see you guys on Friday!