whole

please

dear god, I think, with my eyes squeezed shut
late at night and my cheeks are damp
tear stained
i hope silently
while i weep
that you won't leave
though i know you will
i hope that by some miracle you will stay with me
in my arms forever, my sweet little thing
but i know
that could never be
so
i will wait, i will watch
i will listen to every word, every breath, every tiny little tick
i will drink it up, savor it
a moth to a flame
a lamb awaiting slaughter
because i am not enough for you
and i cannot make myself into anything else.