She's losing a lot of blood! yells the doctor, we have to get her to the OR!
That's all I remember Doc everything after that went blank.
Doctor: How have you been holding up?
I mean...as best as I can, I have to for my babies. There's times I want to give in and stay under my covers crying myself to sleep but I know if I do that I wouldn't be able to pull myself back up; so I keep going.
It's been two years and I'm still numb to what happen that day. Some days I'm mad at him for putting our baby and me in that position, there's other days I wish I could touch his face...feel his lips against mines... I don't know Doc I'm just tired physically and mentally.
I just want peace or at least peace mind Christina shrugs her shoulders I don't think I remember what that feels like ..peace.. she says in a low voice sliding down into the chair she was sitting in, she looks downs playing with her fingers, she looks up,..
what are you writing down? she ask the doctor.
Doctor: Nothing I'm just taking notes.
About what? how phatic I am?
Doctor: I'm not here to judge you, I am here to help you find self clarification. To help you understand these feeling you're having. I want you to do something, I want you to step outside and enjoy the outdoors for a hour each day, I want you to really be in that moment! don't think about the present or the past, just be there in the now! When you come back for our next session tell me how you felt.
okay, can you send me an appointment reminder please!
Doctor: sure, okay that'll conclude our session for today, see you next week Christina.
Christina gets up from her chair and walks towards the door, she reaches for the door knob but stops in mid approach. she looks over her shoulder and says.. I really hope you can help me, I've been broken for so long it might be to late doc.
Christina twists the door knob and exit the doctors office; she begins walking down the hall; she stops and pushes the button to the elevator. she stands there patiently for the elevator doors to open, she had meant every word that she had said to Mrs. Sooner. The doors open and Christina gets on, she leans up against the elevator walls as it goes down to the lobby. she thinks to herself ..
I've been through so much.. From one ex being abusive and trying to kill me, to the love of my life dying right in front of me... and me almost losing my life not once but twice!!! How can I not be damaged... toxic even! the only reason I'm getting help is because of my kids. I cant be this way anymore they're begging to ask me question " like mommy why aren't you happy or its going to be okay mommy" I dint think they could see or understand my sadness.
The doors open Christina snaps out of thoughts, she gets off and walks through the lobby towards the exit. she walks out spotting her all black ford focus, hopping in she starts her car pulling off.
Chris only wanted to do one thing and that was going home to her kids. Being around them brought her peace something she really needed. about 20 mins later she was pulling up to her gated home, the very home Daruis died in front of. Chris set there at the entrances having a flash back of what happen that day. A tear escaped her eyes.. wiping them away she pulls forward and parks her car. Before entering her house she made sure there were no signs of her crying, she takes a deep breath and releases it while entering the house, Christina hears laugher in the distance she follows it into the kitchen. There she sees Alise, Q, Chase and Cassidy all sitting around the table eating and having a good time. It warmed Christina's heart seeing moments like this, all the people she love in one spot.
Alise: hey girl how was it ?
It was okay... you know it was only my first time....we'll see
Alise: well come on! come have dinner with us !
Cassidy: yea mom come on!
okay what are you eating ?
Cassidy: nothing too great, auntie cooked!
we all burst out in laughter!!
Alise: oh so now you got a problem with my cooking huh
Alise says putting Cassidy in a playful headlock!
I sit back holding my side while laughing...in that moment I take it all in, I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed that hard or when I felt true happiness like this!
maybe I'm not to far gone..
YOU ARE READING
A Hard Pill To Swallow
Mystery / ThrillerPart 2 of the Have My Cake And Eat It Too! Trilogy!! Coming Soon!! It's been two years since the love of Christina's life was taken from her! Christina is now going through therapy, to cope with the death of Darius and the trauma of almost losin...
