Unusual Conspiracy Theories

Sheep (By Reya)

The man stared into the clouds and pondered his life's existence. Lost in his thoughts he was unaware of what was happening on the ground around him. Something fluffy bumped into him and for a second he felt a burning sensation on the fine hairs of his leg. Then he looked down and saw a sheep. A snowy white, fluffy sheep. He thought about it for a second and then dismissed it as something from his imagination. He walked a little bit away from the sheep and sat down on the grassy slopes and resumed his thinking.

It was a bright sunny day in his hometown, a day that was perfect for this kind of thinking. The current problem that he was trying to crack was whether naming sourdough starter and caring for it as a child made a difference as compared to simply feeding the starter. This was something that had puzzled the man since he was a child and he thought that that day was the perfect day to give it some more thought.

Suddenly he felt the mild sting against his leg and looked up. The sheep stood before him and was looking in a different direction. He slowly and cautiously reached out to the sheep and put his hand out to pet it. The sheep edged closer and let him pat and stroke its wool. He was once again reminded of his problem. The fluffy wool and softness of the sheep had reminded him of the perfectly baked sourdough bread, crusty on the bottom but airy and soft on the inside. The man's hand burned furiously the second he looked away from the sheep. He jumped up and stared at the sheep. It stared back. He touched it. Fluffy, soft, harmless.

He dismissed his strange thoughts and then mentally berated himself for the absurdity of his thinking. The tips of his hand which were still on the sheep began to sting. The man was absolutely befuddled. He looked at the sheep. It looked back. He tentatively touched the tendrils of wool on its body. Nothing happened, fluffy, soft, harmless. He looked away and reached his hand out again and this time, PAIN! He snapped his head around to look at the sheep and the pain stopped. There was something strange going on. This was not like sourdough bread. His beautiful bread did not sting him like this. Why was the sheep giving him burns?

He looked at the sheep, this time from the corner of his eye. He touched the wool and nothing happened. He blinked and felt a nip. He kept his eyes closed and the nip went on for longer and longer. He opened his eyes, squatted in front of the sheep and stuck his hand as far in as possible. There were no batteries, no heat pads, no suspicious man-made objects. Just animal wool and animal skin. The sheep looked at the man with indignation. He looked back with confusion. He looked away for a second, startled by a noise in the sky and the arm resting against the wool of the sheep felt like it was on fire. He immediately looked back at the sheep and again, fluffy, soft and harmless.

'What a convenient way to get attention.' Thought the man. It was actually quite similar to sourdough bread and sourdough starter. The man concluded that it was the universe's way of telling him to make the starter his baby and care for it. He supposed that the sheep had solved his problem. How interesting. He looked at the sheep, it looked back. Fluffy, soft, harmless. Ouch! He'd looked away again.

~Reya