AFTER THERE'S YOU // ZESSA

Chapter 5: Starting Fresh

"It's always something when it comes to you and Hardin. You guys are like a damn soap opera and it's hard for the rest of us to keep up. So, what happened this time? He beat the shit out of Zed for.... what? Looking you at or something?"

I see now she isn't mad as much as she is frustrated. All my friends seem at their wits end with me these days. But at least she showed up and is doing me a solid by letting me crash here.

I shift my body from side to side, kicking holes in the grass to avoid eye contact with her. I feel so much shame I can't even look up.

"I know. Believe me I know. I'm sorry for everything. For messing up your friend group, and always going back to Hardin, and turning every party into some drunken battle." I look up to see her face has softened.

"Oh Tessa, it's not completely your fault. It's almost completely Hardin's fault, actually. Speaking of him, you guys are broken up...right?" she says uncertainly.

Practically jumping out of my skin, I say, "Oh, yes. God yes. Like over – over." I feel my heart crack in my chest hearing those words spill out. But it's true.

I see a small smile spread across Steph's face, but her eyes remain sad.

"Oh Tessa, come here." She holds her arms in an open embrace.

I quickly hug her back, thankful she doesn't hate me.

"You are too much, girl," she whispers into my hair.

"Believe me – I know," I say back.

We must look out of place out here. It's not something you usually see outside of a Victorian style dorm building: A crazy girl in a floor length skirt who clearly has been crying for days, hugging a punk chick with red hair and tattoos.

"Come on, let's go inside," she says, releasing me from her hug.

We walk back into the too familiar student dorms and head for my old room. Steph's side is the same as always with posters and cool LED lights covering her wall. Her bed though has become more of a storage area for books, dirty clothes, and snacks.

However, my side of the room is totally bare. No sheets on the bed or books on the shelves, just complete emptiness. I wrinkle my nose at how much dust has built up on my desk and bedframe.

"Yeah, they haven't given me a new roommate yet, and I spend every night at Tristan's so the place is a tiny bit messy," she says with a laugh.

I raise an eyebrow at her but keep my lips shut. Now is not the time to critique the person saving you from homelessness.

"Oh, it's actually better this way. Now I won't have to worry about some new girl hating me in her space and I won't have to sleep on the floor," I say back, smiling.

"Awesome. Well here's a spare key. You can actually stay as long as you want. It'll be nice having my live-in maid back," she says, only half jokingly.

I take the key and place it on my key ring. Right where mine and Hardin's apartment key once was. Which reminds me of something...

"Hey Steph, does um, does Hardin still have a spare key to this room?" I say. I'm trying not to impose, but I can't stay here if Hardin can come in at any moment.

"No. I actually got it back from him today. That's where I was when you called." She looks down, biting the inside of her cheek.

"Oh," I say, surprised.

"Don't worry, Tessa. I didn't tell him it was you or that you were staying here." She offers a reassuring smile.

"Thank you," I say. I'm relieved I don't have to worry about him hunting me down.

"So...do you want to talk about it? Him. Or what happened I mean?" Steph says sheepishly.

I could. I could tell her everything, from when Hardin accidentally pushed me down, to why he beat up Zed, to maybe being expelled...

But I think Steph and I have had enough Hardin and Tessa drama for a lifetime. So instead, I say, "I'm okay. I think I'm just going to bring my things in if that's alright. And maybe take a nap."

"Okay, well, see you around!" Steph smiles and practically skips out of the room before shutting the door behind her.

I look at the clock on Steph's desk. It's peeking out beneath a pile of mismatched socks and reads 4:30pm. How time flies when you're having no fun at all, I laugh to myself.

I decided to get my things from my car and settle back into my side of the room. After hanging up my clothes and unpacking my backpack, I realize I'm severely lacking bedroom essentials. In my haste to leave that apartment, I had forgotten several things. Like a towel and my makeup and a bed set for sleeping.

I dust off my desk with an old t-shirt and get my laptop out to make a list of items to buy at Target tomorrow.

But as soon as I power up my laptop, I get a work reminder about a manuscript I need to review. I feel my chest tighten at the reminder of what I've lost. My dream job has come and gone so quickly. But, I know if I keep thinking this way I'll just breakdown again. So instead I decide to seize the day.

For the next three hours I edit my resume, write cover letters, and apply to as many internships and part-time jobs I can. I mostly apply to ones that would benefit my wallet as well as my future in writing, but beggars can't be choosers.

It's only about 8pm when I call it quits, but I feel exhausted. I decide to lay down on my bare mattress, something that would usually repulse me, and look through my phone until I have enough energy to get up and get ready for bed.

I'm confronted with all the old text messages me and Hardin had accumulated over the past few months. I begin deleting them in mass batches. However, I can't bring myself to delete a select few. Like the one where he asked which kind of milk I wanted from the store because he knew I didn't drink cow's milk. It seems silly to keep that one, but that was during a time we were really good and he genuinely cared about me – or so I thought. I also keep a few "I love you" texts, despite the part of me that knows I shouldn't.

I put my phone down for a moment and try not to think of him, my eyes demanding to be closed after this long, grueling day.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

I open my eyes and the room is filled with light. Raising my head and squinting at Steph's clock, I see it reads 9:07am. Holy shit, did I just pass out for 12 hours?

Ring. Ring. Ring.

I feel around the bed for my phone. Grabbing it, I look at the number and don't recognize it.

"Hello?" I say groggily.

"Tessa?"

I promise some Hessa/Zessa parts will be coming soon! Thanks for reading =]