Forgiving Chad

Chad's sense of sound was coming back to him. The soft whirring of machinery could be heard as he struggled to open his eyes. His body was numb. He tried wiggling his toes but he felt nothing. Chad attempted to lift his hands. Nothing. His eyes were slightly opened. The slant of vision that he had was blurry and although he could see no one, he strongly felt the presence of someone else in the room with him. Trying to speak, Chad became frustrated that he could not make a sound. He had no idea where he was or why he was there. Just as the frustration began to get the best of him, he saw a blurry, shadowy figure move closer to him. He felt warm all over as the figure drew closer to him. In a soft unrecognizable tone he heard a voice began to speak.

"I'm okay. It's peaceful here and the girls love it. I'm sorry they couldn't be here but they want you to know that they love you and they are always with you. You are going to face some difficult times, Chad. Really difficult times. These are lessons that you will never forget but please...please never give up. No matter what you do, always look to the light. You were left behind for a reason.

As the voice continued, Chad recognized his wife's words. Andrea, his wife, was the presence he felt. Still, Chad could not speak. He had questions heavily flowing through his mind as he felt sheer panic in his chest. As the questions flooded his brain, it seemed as though Andrea could hear each and every one of his thoughts because she began to answer everything he was thinking but could not verbalize.

"There was a terrible accident. The girls and I didn't make it but Chad, you did. You are in the hospital in recovery. You have been here for 33 days. You are brain dead. I was sent here to tell you it is time for you to come back, now. When you see the images, you will know. You will know that you were saved for a reason. You have to fight with everything in you to see your mission through, Chad. The girls and I are always with you. We love you...and yes, we forgive you. I must go now."

As if he had now returned into his body, his voice immediately returned and echoed through the room as deep sobs and cries. The warm, sweet presence that he felt was no longer there. He was so cold that he began to shiver. The blurriness of his vision subsided and he dreaded the sight of the beige walls around him in the empty room. His reality settled while the memories poured in as gut wrenching visions. Chad saw himself with Andrea and their daughters hours before the accident. He saw the smiles on their faces as they celebrated the girls' birthday. He smiled a little while still crying. The visions were like rapid playing movies in his mind. The movie turned into a horror as he saw himself take Andrea to the restroom where he struck her multiple times and choked her against the wall. His PTSD from the 10 life changing years of serving his country led him to take his frustrations out on Andrea and the girls sometimes.

Chad sobbed and apologized as he relived his last moments with his wife and daughters. He saw himself and his wife toss their daughters into the backseat and drive off. Next it was the accident. Then blank... Nothing. He wished he had done things differently. He felt guilt for what he had done to Andrea on her last day alive. He was having a hard time accepting that he was already forgiven but he prayed for peace in that moment.

A nurse walked in. "Mr Garrison? Mr. Garrison! How long have you been awake? This is...this is unbelievable!" She was visibly shaken up by Chad's current condition.

"I-the-the Dr. was speaking with your family about pulling the plug on you Mr. Garrison. Quite honestly, it didn't look like you would recover", she spoke as she adjusted cords and tubes attached to Chad.

With a dry and groggy throat, Chad managed to say his first words to the young brunette who still couldn't believe her eyes.

"I shouldn't be here. My wife and my children are gone. I should be with them." The Brunette nurse looked at Chad with sincere concern. She sat on the stool and rolled over to his bedside. Chad continued to speak.

"I should've gotten help. I knew I had a problem and I allowed my ego to stop me from speaking up. Now my family is gone. My daughters...my twin baby girls."

All of a sudden that same warm presence overcame Chad. The nurse touched Chad's hand and smiled at him ever so sweetly.

"There are such things as miracles, Chad. Forgiveness is a great way to experience those miracles. Forgive yourself for not speaking up to get help. Forgive yourself for everything. Then, Chad, you tell yourself that every day you will work towards never allowing this to happen again."

Chad laid silently gazing into the familiar eyes of the nurse. He had no words but hers made perfect sense.

She stood up and placed her hands in the pockets of her navy blue scrubs. She smiled warmly at Chad and walked to the door. He weakly smiled back but on the inside he didn't want her to leave the room just yet. She shifted the energy in such a short amount of time. Her presence was so soft and angelic.

She turned back into the doorway with one foot holding it open. She peeked her head in and called out to Chad who was still taking in the message she brought to him.

"Psst! Chad."
He looked up.
"Yes?"
"No matter what you do...always look to the light". She winked and closed the door softly. Suddenly, the room illuminated brightly from above. Chad squinted hard as he attempted to see where the light was coming from....

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"Baby! It's okay! Chad!" Andrea shook Chad to wake him from his sleep as he was tossing and turning frantically. He had these moments often since he was discharged from the military.

Chad finally woke up. He focused his eyes and saw Andrea's sweet face. He quickly sat up in the bed and embraced her.

Andrea flinched. Usually there was a big chance of getting struck by Chad when he awakened from those night time episodes. Not this time. He hugged her tightly and cried into her shoulder.

"Talk to me." Andrea rubbed the side of his face.

"There was this accident baby. It killed you and the girls. It killed all 3 of you but I survived. I survived because I-I---I had to learn. I had to learn forgiveness. I had to...I had to forgive myself and make changes." He stammered over his words because he was so excited.

"Andrea. It doesn't even matter. I'm going to get help. I'm getting help for my PTSD. You and my girls deserve me at my best."

Andrea couldn't believe her husband was finally putting his pride aside and admitting that he needed help. She relished in the moment that she realized her prayers had been answered. Through a dream to her husband.

"I am so happy to hear that baby", she smiled at Chad angelically. "Let's go make a birthday breakfast for our girls! We have two 5 year olds today". She scooted out of bed and innocently ran to the bathroom to start the shower.
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You could be Chad. Maybe Chad is your husband. Your battle buddy. Your classmate. Your uncle, cousin or brother. Pray for Chad...there are such things as miracles.