Charles

~~~

Mark came to visit me on the third day of my isolation.

He came alone, - said he left his guards at the main road. His face showed clear signs of exhaustion - dark circles under his eyes, paler than usual.

He told me that Lady Pendragon has fallen into deep depression. The news of my father's death truly took a toll on her, to the point that she no longer leaves her new room, doesn't eat or sleep. Mark said he was scared she might die. I could feel a small spark of happiness inside me after hearing that, as cruel as it sounds.

I feel like I need to clarify: I wasn't feeling happy about how Mark was feeling. I was happy about Lady Pendragon's depression. And possible death.

My plan might still work out in the end.

I invited Mark to stay over the night, but he said he has to return back to town. That, of course, was completely understandable - after father's death, Mark basically immediately became the new Lord. That must be quite hard on him. Taking care of my mess... It's always been like that, hasn't it? I was always the one to get into trouble - whether it was getting into fights, or destroying property, - and Mark was always there to save me, to accept my blame. Anything for his trouble-making little half-brother that he loved so dearly. If only our parents loved me as much as he did - this whole tragedy might've never happened in the first place.

It's getting rather late. I know I should go to sleep, but I don't know if I'll be able to, with all those thoughts racing through my head.

~~~

Despite of what I wrote yesterday, I slept like a baby. It's been a while since I could do that - to sleep properly. The last time I woke up in the morning fully rested and calm was before I thought of my plan... but now that it was done, and that woman was probably on her death-bed, too, I was finally at peace. At peace and... empty?

Yes, I think that's a suitable word for it. After murdering my father I have lost my passion, my purpose. I should probably find something else to focus on if I don't want to lose my mind...

It's the fourth day since I set fire to the mansion, taking my father's life. The fourth day since I escaped my home town, and took refuge at the Pendragon family's summer house. I feel like I have to re-establish what happened as often as possible, so I don't forget that it's my own fault if I feel horrible.

I'm sitting outside, on the bench that is constructed outside the main house. The sun is quite pleasant on my face, but I can feel the coldness slowly infiltrating my body. The summer is long gone, and now winter is about to begin. I'm lucky that the so-called "summer" house is well prepared for cold weather, as well as hot, otherwise my extended stay would've gotten very uncomfortable very quickly.

The windows are covered in intricate frost patterns. How pretty.