Kurt Cobain stares down at her. He begins talking to her: "I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black..." Malasia loves this song: "Heart-shaped Box".
Except her heart isn't even a heart anymore.
It was broken into sharp fragments long ago. Hanging all around her are these pictures of the angel that will come to take her away soon. Kurt ended it with a gun, but what should she do? At age twenty seven, she has survived high school, culinary school, three abusive relationships, an eating disorder, and an addiction to heroine. She is so tired and sees nothing ahead of her.
This woman welcomes the end.
She closes her right hand around her favorite chef's knife, her left hand on the revolver and hanging high above her is the noose she checked and double checked to make sure it would hold her weight. When she pictures a future, she can't see a thing. What she wants - what she needs - is the dark earth, the tickle of dirt, the company of maggots. It's about to be April 5th; if she doesn't hurry, she will miss the opening of the portal Kurt will walk out of for just a few seconds.
And yet her mind races between the options: live or die; bullet, blade, or noose?
It doesn't make much sense to go back now, considering the fact she knew this was her fate since the 11th grade. She began planning it then: she dies at the age of 27, on April 5th, in the middle of the shrine she built for the angel that will save her. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" begins to play and she is even more aware that time is ticking. She must make up her mind now - and his voice in her head whispers the perfect idea:
Shoot up one more time, bleed, then hang - it will make this easier...
Brilliant! Malasia always knew Kurt was a genius. She drops her weapons for the time being, cranks up the volume, and finds the most accessible vein in her tiny - yet fat - arms. Even now she is aware of every ounce of cellulite, and rejoices in the fact she won't have to see it ever again. She snatches back up the knife, as "Rape Me" begins to play. She carves a phrase for every line Kurt sings.
"Rape me / Rape me, my friend" FAT PIG
"Rape me / Rape me, again" FREE AT LAST
"I'm not the only one" THE BLUE-EYED ANGEL
"You Know You're Right" begins to play, and she realizes this is it...
With her black veins open and crying red tears, with the music blaring, with the 27 red candles burning, she lifts herself to face the circle of rope. She waits 27 seconds before she climbs the step stool, 27 more before she pulls the noose around her neck, and 27 words before she has the courage to kick the stool away. And suddenly, she is flying... The room spins and all the pictures of Kurt blur together. Malasia closes her eyes and finds the light of the portal shining in the corner, opening... And the angel steps out of it. Kurt walks toward her and grips her cold, thin fingers. He takes away everything: the blooming headache, the hurt of all the remnants of her heart, the tears she has cried over the years.
He gently pulls her soul out of her body
And carries her toward peace.
YOU ARE READING
The End of Her
Short StoryMalasia knows the end is near. She welcomes it with open arms and can't wait for the angel to take her... But will she go all the way?
