the cut that always bleeds - solangelo oneshots

will.

"will?" i hear faintly. i fell asleep in the chair in nico's room after talking to kayla.

"will." louder, this time. i open my eyes and wince at the ache in my back from sleeping so weird as i sit up. 

i'm on my feet before i'm even completely awake. i step towards nico, where he sits twisting his long, bony fingers in his lap. he is trembling.

the sun isn't up quite yet. his dark eyes keep shifting uneasily to me, and then back out the window.

he is deathly pale and his eyes lock on me as i look him over with concern. i reach  to his forehead again. his fever is going down, so why does he look worse than yesterday?

"are you cold?" i ask, putting my arm lightly on his shoulder. he has two blankets on him. theres no way.

"can we go outside?" nico blurts all of a sudden. i glance around the room. something is wrong and for once i dont know what it is.

"uh, sure?" i answer, watching his face. he looks ready to jump down before i stop him. "...do you want to get dressed first?" i ask, starting to grin. 

he seems to snap out of it for a moment and he almost smiles. "that would probably be a good idea." he agrees, his voice rough. i help him pull his shirt over his head as he tugs on his jeans.

he's scarily underweight. i can see his spine clearly as he leans to pull on his shoes.

i walk with him outside to see the sun slowly starting to rise and guide him towards the big chairs on the porch. 

nico scratches absentmindedly at the inside of his arm, his expression distant. i watch in silence and touch his wrist with my fingertips. he stops immediately and glances to meet my eyes.

"do you want to talk about what happened in there? i know that wasn't the fever, nico."

he shifts in the chair and stares out at the rising sun. he doesn't say anything for a long time, but i can wait.

"nightmares." he tells me. i nod.

"about what?" i ask him, watching him carefully.

he meets my eyes for a moment. 

"my mother." he pauses. "bianca." nico says her name much heavier, like it brings him pain just to say.

"sister?" i ask. he nods, swallowing. 

"i was trapped in this tiny jar, by the giants, for what seemed like forever. i thought they werent going to come for me - percy and them, i mean. they didnt really have a reason to." he says slowly. i nod. "i almost suffocated. i ate fuckin' seeds to survive." he laughs. it is hollow and rough but he manages a small smile. "and they tortured me. i dont know. i still dream about it and wake up thinking im still trapped. ..sorry for waking you up." he smiles sadly at me.

i take a second to process. i shake my head. " dont apologize for what you cant control."

he shrugs. i could tell he was getting uncomfortable after telling me all that, as he started fidgeting again. but he also seemed to trust me a little more.

i stand and offer a hand to him. nico pushes himself up, his face flushing from the effort. i quickly readjust the blankets around his shoulders and help him back inside. 

"okay, not that you've slept much but you've slept enough that i can fully look you over without worrying you're gonna pass out. drink this first, though." i say patting the edge of the cot for nico to sit on while i gave him the glass of ambrosia. 

nico drained it slowly and i watched the color come back in his face. he looks at me expectantly as i place his empty glass on the counter. 

"when's the last time you ate? slept more than 5 hours?" i ask him, sitting in the chair in front of him.

he spaced out for a second. "i think-"

"nico, the fact you're not even sure worries me a lot." i stand and pull out a scale from the cabinet under the sink. "you have to uh-"

nico waves me off. "yeah yeah, i know what i have to do. ive been to the doctor before , will."

he tugs off his shirt and kicked off his jeans and sneakers, stepping onto the scale. 

the number is about 30 pounds under what he should be. my stomach sinks but im not even surprised. he looks like he hadnt even realized himself.

he mumbles something in italian, shaking his head as he steps off. "i didn't know.."

i nod. "yeah. i know. also, sorry in advance." nico looks at me, confused.

i point at a series of half healed wounds on his back, his thigh, his arms, by his neck... its like there isnt a place he wasnt injured during the war. 

"how did you ever think this was fine?" i ask, my face hot as i continue to look him over.

"there were a lot worse injuries than mine, will." he says, his jaw tight.

i shake my head. "i seriously dont get it." its hard for me not to be mad.

"im not that important! im not dying, will!" he practically yells back.

"not yet, nico! but you will be if you keep doing this shit! you cant keep doing everything for everyone and nearly killing yourself in the process just because you dont care whether you live or die! believe or not, some people care about you a lot more than you know." i say, meeting his dark eyes. 

he shakes his head. he looks away and stares out the doorway in silence. 

i went too far.