Never Enough {SLOW UPDATES}

Chapter 13

**Warning, heavy content**

Winter quietly sat in her bedroom. This house was just as tainted as the last now. She had nowhere where she could be alone with her thoughts. Every second of every day terrorized her with reminders that she would never be good enough.

No amount of medicine could help her cope with that. You see, Winter was withering away from her anxiety. Everyday she knew she would have to face Harry. The one that once made her life happy, now just a dreadful memory in her mind.

Harry walked up the stairs after dinner. "Winnie, we need to tal-".

Winter cut him off "Talk about what? Everything is fine," her face smiled, but the joy didn't reach her eyes. "Harry, I have come to the conclusion that I won't ever be enough for you. It is okay. I will stay with you, You don't have to worry about your career getting ruined over a divorce. But don't you forget for a moment when you're out with another girl, I'm here waiting on you."

Winter's words cut to the core, but all Harry could do was get defensive. "Winter, it isn't my fault that you never want to be intimate with me anymore! I have needs."

Winter shook her head, rubbing her temples. "You're right, I'm sorry." She couldn't come to say what she needed to say. She had needs too, needs to be wanted, needs to be needed, needs to be held during her dark time in life when she couldn't do the one thing all humans were set on this earth to do. But HE had needs that needed to be taken care of.

Winter sighed, "I'm going to the store, is there anything you might want?" She had to get out of the house. She couldn't breathe.

She walked to table where her keys and bag sat. Yes she might have just gotten back from the store, but she didn't want to be here.

"No, I'm alright," Harry mumbled. "How about I come with you," Harry insisted, grabbing his coat and following her out the door.

Winter drove quietly, passing streets and storefronts that held so many memories to the both of them.

When they got to the store, they both knew Harry would have clientele. This meant for Winter to put on her best show.

As they walked toward the fresh produce,Winter made her way to the wine racks. She needed something to help soothe her thoughts for a while. Not only was she with a man who did not love her to the ends of the earth, she was trapped in the relationship. She had no job, no steady income on her part. She had always been taken care of by him.

Harry followed along quietly, his hands in his pockets. He watched as Winter placed a couple of wine bottles in the shopping cart. "Are you having company over?" He asked as she went to place a third bottle in. All Winter could do was shake her head. She didn't have friends, she didn't have family near. If she picked a stronger alcoholic option, she knew Harry would seem concerned. "It's just for a glass of wine with dinner each night. You can pick out what you want, I don't remember what you like," she spoke in a soft voice. She knew exactly what he wanted, she just couldn't live with the reality that he would be drinking it with a plus one that wasn't her. Harry looked at the options sitting in front of him, picking up the same bottle they used to share in his college dorm when they had dinner and movie nights.

Next Winter walked down the baked desserts aisle, spotting a happy couple with a beautiful little girl in a stroller. She turned toward the shelves, quickly. She closed her eyes for a second, taking in a quiet breath. Harry placed his hands on her shoulders to soothe Winter, but she quickly pushed them off. Then something triggered her and before she knew it, she was walking to the checkout station. She bought her cart's contents and then walked to the car. She waited for Harry who was trailing behind.

Once he was in the car she drove home without a word being shared between the two of them. Winter quickly got out of the car when they pulled up into the driveway, going inside. She took her her bottle opener and opened the new bottle of wine, taking a glass out of the cabinet. She poured herself a heaping glass. Just in time for Harry to walk inside. Harry started to approach her, and this is where she lost her control. "Can you just leave me alone?" She spoke softly. "Do you understand the amount of harm you've caused in my life?" Her words grew louder.

"Winter, I want to make things better," Harry spoke in a calm tone.

"How so Harry? You were sleeping with your secretary just last night! That's not trying to make anything better! I don't get it, I don't. What can she give you that I don't have? I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I'm still in my twenties. I'm not old. You know, I saw an old boyfriend in the store the other day. The one I left for you. He was so happy. Even had a kid. Maybe I should have stayed with him. Maybe he would have loved me through all of our hard years. But no, I had to leave him for the man that I thought would be the love of my life."

Harry tried to walk closer as Winter threw her glass of wine against the far wall, drops of red falling down the wall. "I don't get it Harry I don't! I'm sorry I can't give you the life you deserve, I'm sorry. This is all my fault," Winter fell to the ground as tears poured down her face. "I loved you through thick and thin, sickness, health, debt, everything. All I wanted as to be the first one on your mind." She pulled her knees to her chest. "I'm sorry our life is like this, its all my fault. All of it, I'm the reason we can't be the happy couple at the grocery store with a baby boy in our shopping cart," she whispered. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I didn't have enough money to finish college, I wanted you to live your dream. I wanted you to be able to have the life you wanted," Winter was a crying mess at this point. She was apologizing for anything and everything that could have turned him away from her.

She even brought up the memory where she dropped out of college to be a primary school teacher so that Harry could finish his college degree. She helped him out by putting her college funds into his education.

Harry sat on the ground behind her, wrapping his arms around her frail body. This was the first time she let him hold her in a while. She just needed physical touch, she didn't care if it came from the unfaithful man she was sharing a house with. "Baby, it isn't your fault, shh its okay" he whispered to her as he rested his head on her back.

Winter, at this point, was a sniffling mess. She couldn't move, the tears wracking her body. Harry sat there holding her. He didn't know what else to do. Harry stood up, picking Winter up off of the ground. He carried her upstairs to their bedroom, placing her on the bed. He then laid down beside her, holding her quietly as she cried herself asleep. He laid beside her as she slept silently, a sniffle sound coming from her every now and again. All he could do was stare, he wanted to mend their relationship, not just for her sake... but for his as well. He knew how well he had it, he just needed to fix her.