"Calm"

"Part 1"

I looked  into my unread messages and saw an invite to Jax's layback gathering. I haven't seen her and the rest of the gang in  almost a year since I moved away to Virginia. But I was back in Queens for a week to see the family. I texted my cousin Cosmo letting him know  about tonight's outing. It's been a while we've actually hung out, had a conversation. I also found it weird I was gone a year and haven't heard from any of them except Cosmo obviously. Have they even thought about me? Did they even know if I was still breathing? Did they care even if I was alive? Questions start popping like popcorn in my head. I needed to chill and not overthink, just do. I went to my closet picking out a casual fit, my phone rings.

"Yo. I'm leaving the house now. I'll meet you there okay?"

"Yeah Cosmo. See you there."

I walk into the door while familiar faces I saw revealing so many memories, but I decided to come in with a smile on my face. Once I closed the door shut, all attention was on me.

"Hey, who are you?" She said. Her shaved hair, plumb purple. Face glistened with sparkles, no pimples, no dark marks, pure black milline.

"It's me, Joy. Come on don't act like that." I laughed. While everyone kept looking at me. "Jax. It's me Joy. We lived in the same complex. Come on guys, OX, George, Tamir, Tammie, Leon. It's me Joy." I said as my smile began to fade away completely. I couldn't believe this. You leave for a year and your whole identity is unknown. "Are y'all playing a prank or-."

"Maybe if you tell us something, we might remember you." OX said. Tammie and Tamir whisper to each other, turn around in my direction and giggle. I stood nonchalant for a second and decided to play along, but be real this time.

"I was someone who stuck through with friendships that should've died years ago. But I'm a hoarder, somehow even if it's wrong to hold onto, I make myself think it's still right to make room for it. I was someone who went through a terminal season and you guys were the lift me up halfway, yet I still beat the  illness on my own. I'm someone whose an introverted observer. I was someone who made herself too available to people who didn't want my free time, because they claimed to be so 'busy' on their free time. I was always there, but really never there in your eyes. And still you guys make that point clear. So with that being said, I'll go."

I turned around walking out of the house, bumping into Cosmo. He seemed excited until he saw the expression of my face.

"Where you going?" He asked concerned.

"Where I belong. Not here." As I was walking to my car I heard them welcome Cosmo with open arms. I held back my emotions, turning into some kind of resentment. But I held my head high. I'm good on this side, God just reminded me that.