I'm The Ghost

Did I exist?

When I first met you, It was love at first sight.

At that bar near the university where we later spent every occasion.

Where we celebrated our graduation, our marriage, our child.

We were always together, but... If I had known it would end up like this... I would've cherished everyday with you more, I would've walked you from work to home in the rain, I would've made more of an effort, I would've made sure you were going to be okay without me.

Everyday since then.

I've been with you.

Through everything.

Watching you break down as the days passed was torture for me.

But it was worse when you thought it was your fault.

I had hope, when those little footsteps made you smile, and those dances she did made you laugh and join in.

But you fell.

Deep into something not even she could bring you out of.

You would cry every night as you remembered what once was; so would I.

Crying in unison like we would've cried over a drama.

Night after night, I would lay with you, trying to not let my fingers fall through your head so for once, I could let myself think that everything was normal, that everything was the way it was before.

You go for walks on the coldest days, so people will think your puffy eyes and red nose was from the cold; they knew you were lying.

You say you're okay to the people who are there for you; they knew you were lying.

But one day.

You sat at the table, at the bar where we always went to, when a girl, sat across from you and started drinking.

She laughed a few times at the show that was playing, but, that was enough to... make you smile like...I used to make you smile.

And after one year, your light bulb flickered to a glow.

I watched you over the next 5 years, I watched you find a new bar, I watched you celebrate your new job and...

Your marriage.

I watched as my daughter called her "Mom" I watched you not tell her who I was, I watched you slowly forget about me.

When I was alive I would've said that forgetting was good, but now, my own daughter, that I never got to hold, doesn't know who I am, who I was.

I know that thinking like this is selfish, but, it's like I never existed in his life, like we never fell in love, like... my daughter isn't mine.