encounter at the tent

something to be cleared up

Charlotte gasped for air, but was unable to turn around. Sidney's hands lay warm and soothing on her forearms. Slowly she led her arms around her center, hoping that he understood and was happy when he left his hands where they were. The warmth that emanated from him pervaded her. His breath tickled her neck. After a moment of waiting, he let his arms wander closer around her. He held her in his arms from behind and at that moment he was so happy that he thought his heart was about to jump out of his chest.

That was proof she felt the same, wasn't it? Otherwise she wouldn't let him embrace her. Especially not here, where everyone could see them.
Suddenly conscious of how indecent and dangerous this gesture was.
He almost stood with his chest pressed against her back, now he slowly detached himself from her and turned her towards him.

Charlotte seemed...confused.
This one lamenting tear was still on her cheek, the eyes were unreadable and her facial expression, was a mixture of anger and relief.
A small smile surrounded his mouth. He was so happy that was now clarified between them.

"Why didn't you say something?" her voice trembled, the little fold between her eyes.
"I said it now."
"I mean, earlier in the tent. You were only standing there when she insulted me.... It was...it was..."
"Charlotte..."
On the unusual sound of her name on his lips, she looked away briefly and then up to him again.
"The first time you called me by my name and then with ....her ....you made a ..."
"That was not my intention".
"What was your intention then?"

Oh, that's not how he had it in mind. He had really hoped when he revealed his feelings to her that she could simply forgive him.
But that was Charlotte, after all. She had to know exactly.
And if he wanted to have a sincere relationship with her... and he had always been honest with her, well mainly...
Taking a deep breath, he looked at her hesitantly. Nodding and slowly walking towards the river, he began his explanation.

"You must know, Eliza...Mrs. Campion always knew how to choose her words wisely. She has the gift to insult despite her sweet voice and neat words."

Really? Charlotte wanted to ask sarcastically, but only muttered,

"I noticed that."

"That's why I was on my guard when she asked about the boy in your village..."
"There is no one... in my village!" 

a warm shiver ran through him. His face lit up briefly in a charming smile.

"She had seen us after all, not only on the boat but in London as well. She seemed jealous...this morning on the beach. I...erm...I didn't know that from her."
"And therefore...?"
"...I wanted to show you that I...could be your kindred spirit...." if you wanted me, he thought. Now it was Charlotte who scurried a smile over her face.

"...that's why I mentioned Heraclitus, a knowledge that only we both share."

That was almost harder than the explanation under the trees a few moments ago.
A slight pain twitched through his body, on his forehead this deep crease became visible as he spoke his next words,

"I saw on your face that you didn't understand what I meant, and when everyone laughed..."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Charlotte stopped and looked at him angrily.
"Yes, yes...erm..." he reached for her hand, but right at that moment she crossed her arms in front of her chest and he grabbed into emptiness.
"At that moment I knew I had made it worse." Seriously he looked at her and came one step closer.
"Tom's counting on their investments, so I couldn't really say what I was thinking." she looked up at him interrogating.

"And I won't repeat what I really thought...."
"Why not?"
"It's not proper for a young, blameless lady to hear such things."
"Oh!" she blushed slightly.

"Believe me, I have put El... Mrs. Campion in her place earlier. As far as I can do in society."
Now Sidney grabbed her hand and she released her passive attitude.

"When you said that you were just..." His eyes glittered with tears.
"You are so much more..." 

She didn't answer.

"You have little in common with this society." Charlotte tried to take her hand away from him.
"This new rich London society, they have nothing in common with you" he pulled her hand to himself and put it on his chest. She stared at him in disbelief.

"You are superior to them, with your intellect and your good heart. Not to mention that your family belongs to the land gentry..."
"Which no longer means much according to Lady Denham..." she looked away.

"This shouldn't be important to you..."
"Since London I'm...I'm so..." insecure, but she couldn't tell him that.
"We are both outliers in London society," he smiled at her tenderly and pressed her hand even more into his chest. The muscles twitched under her hand.

"I am so sorry. Please forgive me."

Charlotte looked at her crossed hands above his heart. That seemed to pound as fast as her own.

"What do we do now?" Charlotte's eyes were big and dark and her hand in his, warmed his whole body.

"I have told you what I want."

He started and smiled his crooked smile, which should be forbidden. Charlotte's heart began to race as he came one step closer. His breath tickled on her cheek as he said in a conspiratorial tone,

"And with your permission," his voice took on an even darker tone,
"I'd love to show it to you, too."