836 Franklin Ave

Sadness

Tuesday October 11th
Sevyn

Today was one of those days where my mom's death was hitting harder than usual. We are supposed to receive her ashes soon. Sometimes I was okay with grieving and other times I didn't know what to do and felt like balling my eyes out. It's about 12 in the afternoon and I laid in bed staring at the ceiling above me with no motive to get up. I feel so helpless sometimes.

The relationship I had with her was so strange and definitely had its ups and downs, but I still miss her. She was irreplaceable. She was all I had.

The house was quiet and that was very appreciated right now. I wasn't hungry, my mind was blank.

"I miss you mom." I mumbled into the nothingness in the room. I sat there and waited for her to say it back. I needed her to say it back. It's such a surreal feeling to lose someone so close to you. There are so many things I wish I could go back and change. I feel like I'm one to blame, and there's so much anger inside of me. All of these emotions that I have no where to store. I felt the tear run down the side of my face and my hand instantly went to wipe it. My head turned when I saw my door creak open. Savannah appeared at the door in her little white dinosaur pajamas. She looked tired slowly closing the door behind her walking over to my bed. She climbed up and laid her head on my chest wrapping her little arm around my stomach placing her leg on top of me as well.

I guess that's one thing I've gained from this. Savannah and Sayyora. It feels good to know I have some family left even when I thought I didn't. And as I continue to learn Savy and barely know Sayyora, they mean the world to me. We laid in silence until I dosed off.

I woke up a few hours later. I noticed Savannah was gone. I reached over and grabbed my phone seeing that the time was almost six in the afternoon. The sun outside was beginning to set. I also received a text from Angela saying that she and Savannah went to run some errands. I guess I'm here by myself. I rolled out of my bed to get ready because Jacob would be here to pick me up soon. I didn't feel like going to his house anymore but it was my idea. As if things couldn't get worse, I realized my period began. My sheets were blood stained.

"Fuck." I mumbled under my breath. I looked behind me in my mirror and saw that my shorts were bloody as well. "Fuck Fuck Fuck." I said repeatedly. My period isn't supposed to be here until next week. I guess it came early or something. I quickly took off the pants and striped the sheets off the bed. Luckily it didn't deep through. I dragged them to my shower and began soaking everything. I watched the bloody water drain. I sighed. After I got out most of the stain, I set them on the bathroom floor. I removed the rest of my clothes and ran the shower water. I quickly cleaned myself off and lathered my body with soap. I rinsed it off and grabbed a towel to dry off my body. I made my way out of the bathroom and rushed into my room hearing my phone ring. I looked at Jacob's caller ID and sighed before I answered.

"What's up mama. I'm outside I been calling you for a minute." He said. Oops.

"I'm coming." I responded. I walked down the stairs and to the front door where he stood. I let him in before closing the door and locking it.

"Oh, I like this Sevyn." He said licking his lips grabbing the hem of my towel. I quickly swatted his hand.

"Please." I said walking away from him. I made my way back upstairs and I could hear him following me on the way up. I felt him lift the back of my towel up staring at my butt. I grabbed it from his hand. "You play too much, stop it." I said annoyed.

"Damn alright." He mumbled. We both walked into my room, and I went straight into my drawer searching for tampons and pads. I began rummaging through the drawer trying to find any but all I had were panty liners.