Humans are strange creatures. They've been living on Earth since prehistoric times and continue to thrive even after aliens colonized the entire Earth. They're considered an "invasive species" among aliens and I was told that " it's best if you leave them be".
But I, unfortunately, could not.
I went to the human grocery store one weekend because I got tired of the usual alien food, such as the edible flowers with eyes or the fingers of a troglodyte.
I was looking at the bananas when I noticed him. A human. At least, I hope he was. He had no green skin or extra arms, so I assumed he was. I don't know much about them other than that they're the less cool version of aliens. But yet, I couldn't help but be captivated by this human. He was wearing a black sweater and one half of his hair was black while the other was red. I've seen humans before, mostly because I liked to get away from the bustling metropolis that was the alien division and go someplace different, such as the human division, for example. Despite all that, I've never actually talked to one. I was told that even though humans are weak and considered a snack for aliens, especially the ones that lived on the outskirts of the alien division, they are barbaric and violent at their core. I had trouble believing this, he looked so harmless, so soft. He looked... lovely. I wanted to talk to him, but how? What do humans do when they want to pursue each other romantically?
A date!
I realized, humans who are looking for a mate usually go on small excursions called "dates" from what I've seen on human TV shows. I looked around in my pockets and found a pen and a dollar bill. I signed, hoping that wasting a dollar bill was worth it for going on a date with him. While the human was looking at the bags of grapes I wrote my note against the edge of one of the displays. I wrote that he should meet me at the Mirage, the only nice restaurant I knew, along with the address. I wrote that he should be there at 7 o'clock this evening before I snuck up next to him. I smiled, he even had this cute floral scent to him. I pretended to be interested in the grapes as I dropped my note into his bag before I ran off to the aisles near the registers. I waited until I saw him go up to one of the self-checkout machines and pulled his items out of his bag. Once he got to the bottom, his hand finally found the note. I saw him read it a few times before looking around, thinking maybe he could spot who did it. I just stood in the aisle, staring intently at the canned fruit. From the corner of my eye, I saw him shove it into his pocket before he continued and left with his things. I smiled, happy my plan worked.
I immediately went to the library afterward. I needed to know more about humans before I went on a date with one. I went on a few computer websites and quickly learned that humans were a lot of responsibility. They had to drink water, eat leaves, and lay unconscious for 8 hours a day. No wonder they're considered inferior, they don't even have a hibernation cycle. Though, if I want my human to be healthy and maintain his cute physique then I'm willing to accept that responsibility. I also went on another site and found that humans only live a measly century. However, it turns out their bones make great meals. A young alien saw me and studied my computer screen over my shoulder.
"You're studying humans in school too?" They asked.
"No," I replied, "I'm out of school."
"Then why are you looking at websites on them?" They asked, folding their lower arms.
"I'm going on a date with one?" I replied.
"A date? An actual date? Like what humans do?"
"Yeah."
"Hmm, I've never heard of that before," they said, "are you planning on eating them?"
"No," I said, "why would I do that?"
