Blue Base
Tucker: Let me get this straight... You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us-
Matthias: Only you two.
Tucker: Whatever. As I was saying, scared the living shit out of Me and Caboose, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And, on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?
Church: In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary.
Caboose: I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls never like me.
Tucker: Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you.
Caboose: I like me...
Matthias: I like him.
Beatrice: (appears) I like him too.
Caboose: (turns to them) Really?
Matthias & Beatrice: Yeah. Really.
Caboose: (sniffs) This is the happiest day of my life.
Church: Right, let's get back on topic.
Tucker: I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark?
Matthias: (facepalm)
Church: I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark.
Caboose: Wait, oh wait, oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?
Church: Uh... because she's from Texas.
Caboose: ...
Matthias: ...
Beatrice: ...Are you retarted?
Church: Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with.
Tucker: Right. You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!
Beatrice: (sigh) I'm surrounded by idiots.
Church: Will you shut up with that? She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell.
Caboose: A.I... What's the A stand for?
Matthias: Artificial.
Caboose: ...What's the I-
Beatrice: (interrupts) Intelligence.
Caboose: Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?
Church: Let's move on.
Tucker: So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?
Church: Oh hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch. It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements.
Beatrice: (growls)
Tucker: Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper.
Church: So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?
Caboose: I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot!
Matthias and Beatrice starts to laugh uncontrollably.
Church: (laughter in the background) Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot.
Red Base
Grif and Simmons are holding Tex at gunpoint.
Grif: So, you're a girl, huh?
Tex: ...
Simmons: Just ignore him, that's what I do.
Grif: Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya?
Tex: Hey, punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you.
Grif: Yeah, right. What're you gonna do? Punch me?
Tex leans in at Grif quickly. Grif flinches and steps back.
Grif: Ahh! Not in the face!
Blue Base
To Blue Team on top of Blue Base.
Matthias: Alright everybody, Beatrice and Me thought of a plan on how to rescue Tex.
Tucker: A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a ..mission statement?
Beatrice: (ignores Tucker) Caboose and Tucker will run a distraction, while Matthias and Church infiltrates the Red Base. Matthias will knock everone out while they are looking for you two, and then rescuing Tex will be like a walk in the park.
Caboose: (nervous) Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like "decoy."
Matthias: There's nothing to worry about, Caboose. The way we see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many Freelancers we have out here. So all we need from the two of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while Church and I sneak in through the back of the base.
Tucker: Sounds good. But guys, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?
They look at the teleporter, then Tucker looks at it too.
Tucker: (looks back at Beatrice) ...Oh fuckberries...
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue Season 1 /w Spartan Matthias
FanfictionFollow the famous adventures of the Reds and Blues, but this time around, with new members on board! The OCs Matthias and Beatrice are owned by Me. Red vs Blue is owned by "Rooster Teeth". Any used picture, music and Youtube video belongs to their r...
