Beetlejuice Script: DC Run

SCENE THREE

FLUSH! A toilet flushes. Beetlejuice runs out of the bathroom, pulling his pants up. To the audience:

BEETLEJUICE

Awww! Did I miss it!? I really wanted to watch them die. Cool hole.

("Thrusts" towards it, then)

Now, I just gotta keep those boring bore-dos in the house. Which means, we gotta toss the rule book.

(The WHISTLE of a cartoon bomb falling. Beetlejuice looks up.)

BEETLEJUICE (cont'd)

Here she comes. Right on time.

(He takes a big step to the left. And BLAM! A HUGE HEAVY BOOK falls from the sky-- and IMPACTS right where he was just standing.)

BEETLEJUICE (cont'd)

The rule book. I present: The Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

(picks up the book)

Every dead person gets one. Free, like a Gideon Bible. Also: Useless. Like a Gideon Bible. Religion joke!

(He opens it. Reads--)

BEETLEJUICE (cont'd)
(pretentious narrator)

"Chapter One: Proceed Directly to the Netherworld."

(Then, sinister)

Now where's the fun it that?

(He snaps his fingers. A BLAZE instantly kindles in the fireplace.)

BEETLEJUICE (cont'd)

Hey, we got any kids in the audience? Puppet show!

(making book talk)

Mistah Beebleboose?

(Answering)

Yes, book?

(book voice)

Where do books go when dey die?

(answering)

Well, book, I don't know. Let's find out.

(He throws the book into the fire. It SCREAMS, horribly and hilariously.)

BEETLEJUICE (cont'd)
(to audience)

Sometimes puppet shows are sad.

ADAM (O.S.)

Barbara? Are you okay?

BEETLEJUICE

Oh shit!

(He LEAPS behind the sofa. Hides. Adam peeks out of the hole, looks around.)

ADAM

Holy smokes! That was some fall.

(Adam climbs out, helps Barbara up.)