[AWFUL THINGS SEQUEL] "You were right, we are pretty screwed up." "Ah, but remember-I did say we were in this together." After Gus left for touring, Evelyn did as he asked and moved into his apartment. With unresolved issues at the back of everyone'...
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Molly in my Aquafina ('Fina, water, water) Red bottoms, she a diva (mula, diva, diva) But the legs on that bitch evil (evil) Look at them legs on that bitch, evil Molly in my Aquafina ('Fina, in my Aquafina, ayy) Bitch, I look like Wiz Khalifa Off the meds, I see dead people (I see dead people) Xans got me seein' dead people (dead people) _____________
EVELYN
Knowing the man that Benjamin has turned into, I can say with full confidence that I had no fear walking straight into his apartment—currently, at least. Now if this were Benjamin from almost a year ago we were talking about, you couldn't pay me enough money in the world to even look in his direction. But the fact that him and I have been able to lean on each other a lot in our recovery has been good for me and I wanted to be good for him too, but it seems like there's obviously something I'm not doing for him.
"Benjamin?" I called out as I stepped into his living room, closing the front door behind me. Somewhere from deep within the apartment I heard some shuffling and a worse for wear man made his appearance. His black hair is greasy with strands falling into his face and he has a ghostly like look to his skin. "Oh my God, you look like garbage."
"I know, I know. I don't even know why you came over here, I'm a mess." His voice cracked with emotion and it took everything for me to not break down and sob in front of him. The state of his appearance is overwhelming and honestly kind of jarring, I just can't understand why he didn't tell me he needed help sooner.
The taller man motioned towards his couch and in that moment I was devastated. He's worked so hard for his recovery, sometimes attending three meetings a day just because he knows he can't fight off the demons alone. Somewhere inside of me I can't help but feel maybe I've neglected him in some way, maybe I've let him down and that's why he went back to drugs.
It's hard to shake that thought from my head. Even though in our meetings we discuss the importance of self accountability and taking responsibility for our own actions, guilt is still something I struggle with on a day to day basis.
All of these thoughts in my head kept swirling as him and I discussed the details of his relapse and I felt that I was being triggered, but alas said nothing. I've already let him down bad enough by not being there for him like I thought I was and I don't want to do that again even if it is at my own expense.
"And you didn't think you could call me?" Tears welled up in my eyes as I reached out for his pale hand, grasping onto it and bringing it close to me.
"Well, you've had all this stuff going on with Gustav and I really didn't want to trouble you at all. You're like, the physical embodiment of depression right now and I didn't want to bring you down even worse." His deep voice spoke with honesty and no resentment. A part of me realized that maybe I really had been being more transparent than usual, but another part of me wondered if I had always been this way.
