I have given my faith to death years ago, when I knew that I am only half alive—dead inside. I'm just waiting for him to kiss me goodbye, but for now I let this suffering annihilate every bone dwelling in a body that doesn't want it anymore. I wonder how my soul takes the pain that wields its supremacy, may that be physically, mentally, or emotionally. Or maybe I'm just soulless all along that it defies the cry arrising in my throat.
"Hoy Montecarlo, laya ka na!"
This is not the life I have imagined. It is too far from the ideal. Back then, I was just an innocent, fragile child who wished to have a happy life. Ngunit sa paglipas ng mga taon ibang klase ng pamumuhay ang naihanda sa aking hapag. And here I am right now, behind bars.
Hindi ko alam kung paanong ako ay nakalaya na, but as soon as the police officer opened the cell, I abruptly stood like the floor's set on fire. Tatlong oras pa lamang akong nakatulala sa loob ng mainit na rehas, but each passing second feels like I'm already gonna lose my dearest sanity. I roamed my gaze to search someone familiar who has the power to get me out of here, but I see no one.
Kani-kanina lang para na akong tatakasan ng bait. I'd be lying if I tell myself that I'm not scared even for a bit. Ang makulong ang pinakaayaw kong mangyari sa buong buhay ko, but here I am! Kung hindi lang sana bobo ang kasama ko kanina sana natakasan ko ang mga pulis!
Mabuti nalang at tapos na ang transaksyon namin ng kliyente. So I'm just partying for my success when the police raided the club. Malas lang nila at wala na silang naabutan. I could've escaped when they came but my partner that night left without me. Napakabobo talaga! Halos lahat ng mga nahuling naroon sa club ay nakauwi na matapos piyansahan ang mga ito. Their families fetched them with tears running down their faces while I stayed there for eternity waiting for someone to come and get me. Pero sino ba ang niloloko ko? Upon knowing that I've set foot to a place where my dignity's been caught on the wild fire, or done something that could stain their precious name, my family would lose it. It means that I have thrown my freedom away, as a chastisement for the chaos I have made, I should be caged.
"What the fuck, Sol? Don't you know how to run now?" Salubong sa akin ni Jashiel pagkalabas ko sa Police station. He threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. His presence fed my inquiries about the one responsible for my freedom.
"Kung hindi tatanga-tanga yung binigay ni Boss na kasama ko, e 'di, nakatakas ako," Singhal ko sa kanya.
Nakita ko ang pula niyang civic kaya't dumiretso na ako roon. Nang makapasok ay sinandal ko ang ulo sa bintana. I just want to rest right now.
"Ang sabi niya'y hindi ka daw mahanap."
"Anong hindi mahanap, tangina niya?! Kumatok-katok pa ako sa bintana ng sasakyan pero mabilis niya lang 'yong pinaharurot! Saan doon ang hindi mahanap! Papatayin ko talaga 'yun. 'Wag na siya papakita pa sa'kin." I hissed. I exhaled loudly, trying to ease my anger.
"Okay, okay. You chill. Sabihin mo nalang kay Boss." He said while chuckling. If I'm not drained from today's misfortunes then I would surely hit Jashiel's smiling effin' face, too! Isa pa 'to, e! Ipinikit ko na lamang ang mga mata ko bago ko pa siya maupakan.
"Sol... We're here..."
Nagising ako sa mahinang tapik ni Jashiel sa pisngi ko. I opened my eyes and saw that we're already outside my apartment.
"Thanks sa paghatid, Jas. Nagpapasalamat talaga ako kay rold at hinulog ka niya sa lupa," I joked. He laughed and nodded.
Pinanood ko ang paglisan niya sa lugar bago ako pumasok sa apartment. Kalat ang sumalubong sa akin pagpasok sa silid. Maybe I'll clean it tomorrow, pagod na pagod na ako kaya gusto ko nalang matulog. Pinagpag ko ang aking kama at binagsak ang sarili. It's been a long and tiring day. There's too much happenings that I couldn't even handle; being behind bars is the worst.
