adore you - part 1
sco was up earlier than me. two weeks had passed and not a single day i could wake up before him, and not a day had gone by without him already making me a cup of earl grey each morning. i had fallen and i had fallen deep.
"morning." he said, giving me the warm mug. "sleep well?"
"always do. did you sleep well? i mean, do you ever sleep well?"
"yes... and no. it's not a big deal." sco never thought anything was a big deal
"it never is. what do you mean by yes and no?"
"nothing, really."
"sco, we're mates, you can tell me."
"it's just... well." he sat on the windowsill "i always fall asleep fine, so that's good."
"and then?"
"...and then i get nightmares."
"oh." i figured where this was going "recurring nightmare or different ones?"
"recurring. it's just the memory of... you know." he gestured towards his shoulder
"sco, i don't know if you thought that out yet, but i think that's ptsd."
"it's not a big deal, it's just dreams. i don't wake up screaming or anything like that and i have almost no triggers."
"almost no triggers and no triggers are entirely different things, william."
"william? where did that come from?"
"nowhere!" i shouted "sorry. sorry, i didn't mean to snap off on you. i just get worried."
"and thank you, but there's really nothing to worry about. i get all the sleep i need and i get to make us tea in the morning too." he smiled, i nodded "listen, i don't want to talk about that, but i... i'm worried about something else, blake."
"what's up?"
"anya, she... she's been a bit distant, i think." he sighed and an egoistic part of me felt pleased. the part of me that wanted sco's well being though, felt concerned "i think things have changed since high school. not that i'm unhappy, it's just that it doesn't feel the same."
"oh." and it was as if all the words i usually had, had vanished into thin air "i'm sorry. how... how did it used to feel?"
"it always used fo feel like i had a spoon of honey in my mouth. sweet, warm, comforting."
"and how does it feel now?"
"like, as far as i'm concerned, relationships do get into routine and i was fine with ours, but at some point i think the routine wasn't just a routine anymore, it was more of a vicious cycle. it wasn't like brushing your teeth or taking a shower, it became sort of like day drinking, it's okay but in the end doesn't bring you any good and gets boring after a while." he took a sip of his tea "i guess what i'm trying to say is... i think i just had too much honey."
"oh." i didn't know what to say. the times where this had happened were few "what... what are you going to do about it."
"i don't know yet. maybe this is all just a rough patch, we've had those before."
"yeah, sure." i looked at him, he was fidgeting with the paper end of the teabag "i should get ready."
"yeah, me too."
