Insecurities

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Your eyes flutter open, squinting at the bright sun light shining through the window. Groaning as you stretch out. You realize Luke is absent from the bed. You sigh, wanting a morning cuddle, "oh well" you think to yourself. As you push yourself upward supporting yourself with your arms. Shifting your weight on one arm as you take the other and wipe your eyes, adjusting to the light of the newly found morning. Wanting to see Luke you decide to get out of bed. Pushing the white plump comforter aside throwing your legs over the side of the bed. Hitting the floor lightly. You sit there for a moment staring at them "why am I like this?" you whisper to yourself quietly. Disgusted with looking at yourself you shake your head, and push off of the bed. Standing up on the cold wooden floor, sent shivers up your spine. Not a mystery why I'm so cold you think, wearing just your underwear and one of Luke's tees. You take step after step slowly to the bathroom door. You push it open lightly preparing yourself for the mirror so you don't look like a total slob before you go looking for Luke. Ew you think to yourself as you look at yourself in the mirror. Your hair in a fuzzy mess, attempting to fix it with your hands trying to put the pieces on hair in place is no use. Your make up that refused to come off before bed now encased under your eyes making you look more tired than you already are. You look yourself up and down at the mirror. The only thing you like of what you see in your reflection is Luke's t shirt, much larger on you than him. You pull the shirt up just enough so you can see your stomach. You turn sideways observing your stomach, trying to make it look better you suck in as much as you can. It's no use, it looks bad either way. You sigh, as the negative thoughts invade your brain, causing your heart to ache. Soon enough your brain finds every flaw on your body, and beats on it. You attempt to choke back the tears. But it's not long before you let them fall in defeat. You lean against the wall as hot tears begin to glide down your cheeks not caring anymore you let them fall not caring to wipe them, as more tears follow. You slide down the wall, too weak to stand anymore. Putting your knees to your chest, clasping your arms around them close to your chest. Burying your head down, crying to yourself. Your ears are so filled with your sobs that you don't hear that footsteps coming to the bathroom. It's when you hear the click of the doorknob on bathroom door. That you snap back to reality. You look up as you see him standing in the door way with a worried look on his face. He doesn't say anything as he sits beside you wrapping his arms around you, his crying mess of a girlfriend. I must look terrible right now" You think to yourself. He turns to you, cupping your face with his large hands. Wiping your tears away with his thumbs. Closing your eyes as another tear falls down your cheek. . He lets go of your face and picks you up placing you in his lap. Cradling you in his arms. "I don't know how he picks me up so easily. I am an elephant." You think as you sob into he chest. He hushes you, trying to calm you down. He doesn't ask why you're crying or even why you're crying on the bathroom floor. He just holds holding your hands in his as he sits behind you. He pushes a piece of hair out of your face, stuck to it from the tears. Finally when you can breathe normally again, you look up into his blue eyes, seeing worry there. Your eyes and cheeks are both red and drenched from the crying, making you even more unflattering than normal. He doesn't need to ask for you to tell him. You've always told him everything, but this was the one thing he was never supposed to know. You manage to croak out an "I'm sorry" as silent tears glide down your cheek once more. "What's going on?" He asks lightly. You shake your head as more tears race down your cheeks. "I hate myself" You whisper. "what" he asks confused. "Just look at me luke I'm fat, ugly, obnoxiously annoying! It's a miracle that glance at me let alone date me !" You say frustrated "What are you talking about (Y/N) you're bea-". You cut him off shaking your head as you talk," no I'm not, you don't understand" already knowing what he was going to say. You stand up slowly, "look at me Luke. with these disgusting thighs the wobbly," You point. You pull your shirt up showing only your stomach. "This gross, nasty, fat stomach" You croak as I another tear falls. "Not to mention this chubby face that never looks the slightest bit good!" Falling to the ground after your rant, feeling as that is where you belong at this point. Your sobbing resumes. He moves closer to you, not saying a word until he is behind you wrapping his arms around you. " you my angel are not fat,ugly, chubby, annoying, or any of those things. You my love are the most beautiful, caring, loving girl I have ever met. It's no miracle that we are together, it's simple, I love you and you love me. You are the most amazing girl I have ever met, I wouldn't trade you for anyone in the world." You turn facing him, as another tear falls. Giving him a weak smile. "But-" he cuts you off "but nothing, (Y/N) you are amazing and it hurts me that you see yourself as otherwise. I am going to make you see what you truly are whether you like it or not", I can't stand seeing my little Angel, sad anymore. Which means no more crying." You nod smiling at him, "man I love this boy" You think to yourself. He stands up taking your hand and pulling you off of the cold bathroom floor along with him. He pulls you into a tight hug, and whispers to you, "I love you more than you can imagine, and I am never going to let you go" he says as he places a kiss on your head. You squeeze him a little tighter whispering back " I think I love you more than even that" " NOT POSSIBLE" he yells giggling, throwing you over his shoulder. In that moment you smiled the brightest you have ever smile in your life, You laughed at your little goofball of a boyfriend. But he was your goofball and that is perfect enough to you.

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⏰ Last updated: Jan 12, 2016 ⏰

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