It has been 2 months since I got kicked out of my own home. Actually, I wouldnt even call it my home, it was a house that was owned by two alcoholics, that I am legally supposed to call my 'parents'. My real parents died in a car crash when I was 4, so I was sent into foster care, which led to the two people that took me in. I never understood why they were even looking for a child, if they mistreated them anyway. Children and babies are meant for people who can take care of them and give them all the love in the world, not so you can use them to get you a beer from the fridge, or to use as your own punching bag.
Bonnie and Pete are the ones who made my life a living hell. They are the people who took me in, they are the people who push me around and call me profanity. They are the ones who should be in jail for the things they have done. They are the ones who made me who I am today, and thats not a compliment.
I cant walk outside and just devour all of what the world is. I cant take a step near someone without being cautious and frightened, or worried that they will harm me. I cant wear short sleeved shirts, or shorts, or skirts, or dresses because of all of the scars and bruises that cover my body. Bonnie said if anyone asks what they are, or how they got there, then I have to run away as fast as I can, and never stop until I know that they wont find me. They dont want to be caught and have any chance of going to jail. Frankly, I dont want them to either because once they're out again, they would find me, and I dont know how far they would take it.
It's saddening to know that the people that are supposed to love you, and nurture you, are actually the ones that hurt me the most. Bonnie is a drunkie, just like Pete, and when I would get home, they would push me and hit me and spit on me because they thought of me as nothing. They thought of me as some stupid, hopeless little girl that you can walk all over. They thought that I was a girl who was useless and defenseless so they could do anything they wanted to me, and I wouldnt say a word.
And they are right. I am hopeless. They gave me no hope in the first place to start with. I am stupid. I never went to school. I never got to have friends that care about me, or a boyfriend, or learn difficult equations in math. I was never given the opportunity, Bonnie and Pete thought that school was overrated and that its too expensive, when I could be like them; A lousy excuse of a couple who smoke pot all day and steel beer from an old hag down the street.
I am useless. I have nothing to live for, no motivation, nothing to look forward too. Nothing. Nobody wants me, or wants anything to do with me. But its not like it would matter because I dont let anyone in. I keep everything inside, finding that it gets you through the day easier, if easy can even be a word to describe my life.
Most importantly, I am defenseless. If I were to be beaten to near death, nobody would rescue me, or want to rescue me because Im just Harlan. A young girl who has nothing to live for.
And sometimes I feel as if my life will never start. It will just continue to deepen in sorrow and I cant begin a new chapter.
But this is why I got away. Why Im on my own now. To try something new for a change.
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47 letters | h.s au
Fanfiction"Its like she has become dead. A beautiful soul, trapped inside a dead body. She is numb. She feels nothing. And the only thing I can do, is watch." cover made by | 80sMalik
