Bad Kind of Butterflies ♧ DazaiXReaderXDOA

22. BlackJack

You had always struggled with your ability, but never had you felt the pain you feel now when confronting Fyodor Dostoevsky about your habits created in this casino. The past few weeks were admittedly all over the place, your head constantly spinning, your desire fluctuating between the people that most appealed to your desire to live. You thought you could escape judgement day, yet here you were, staring at this Russian mastermind once again as he sees you with full transparency.

"Someone else?" You ask, trying to act dumb, but you know he knows you are far from that. Even when you are at your most gullible, you can always count on your connection with people for knowledge. It's why you've been so attracted by the different men with different purposes.

"I'm not an idiot, [f/n]. Don't test me. I'm not here to punish that wonderful curiosity of yours, I've simply asked you a question...and I'd so like you to answer me." Fyodor tells you softly, holding your wavering gaze with his, purple eyes glowing, trailing down to your lips teasingly as he lifts your chin up, making you take a step back into your room from your doorframe as you held the door open.

Shivering, you know he isn't asking. This raven haired demon makes the rules, whether you know it or not. The problem is, you know very well, and he knows you do too.

"Should I help you? My decay of angels friends are so interesting don't you think? Especially my favourite one of them all...our dear Kolya." He begins, his heart beat still cold and calm as ever while your does a flip, ceasing to function as Fyodor keeps in talking, inviting himself inside your room as you are slowly pushed inside by his advances.

"Nikolai...is something." You agree, cheeks growing hot as you keep yourself from saying too much, flashes of the clown's moments with you crossing your mind, your hand shooting up to play uncomfortably with the ends of your turtleneck.

"He knows how to play games and he is so clear in his goals. It's my favourite thing about him...but, well, at least you enjoy them differently..." Fyodor says, eyes dropping to you nervously playing with parts of the ends of your shirt, a small smirk appearing on his face.

Shit.

"I know better than anyone why...or have you forgotten already? What we did that altered even your ability...do you need a reminder? Should I show you where your loyalties really lie when there's is no one else in the room and you choose one name to say?" The man in front of you catches your wrist, pulling you towards him, whispering in your ear with his voice smooth like silk wrapping you up in its lavish promises.

What does he want to hear?

"Tell me my place." You say, struggling to find your voice, fear creeping up in your mind.

Noticing your change of state, Fyodor chuckles to himself, only amused by you further.

"So scared...I promise you'll find yourself in a better life once these games are all over...of course, there is one path left for you to follow then..."

———

The next day, you stand in your room in front of your mirror, your mind buzzed with Fyodor's instructions, his promises, all his sweet words that never failed to capture you, no matter the fear. Your room seems rather dull after your encounter with the demon posing as God, your lights low, your body and face illuminated ever so lightly in the dark, as if you were disappearing into the shadows. No one would ever hear your conversations with Fyodor, the walls being the keepers of your secrets once again, and as you watch your own slow movements damaged by a manipulation you were too slow to catch, you see for the first time the person you've become.

Only one path left to follow...

Your eyes glow with wonder but there's shadows lurking behind them, your body has become too comfortable with people of darkness, but it's your mind that's sunk at its lowest, believing all the lies you are fed, pleased with the reasons you are given to live. Starting out as a woman simply following rules to live, you've truly turned into a mouse scurrying around taking everything that's dropped at her feet. Taking it all in, you smile toward yourself in the mirror, because throughout it all, you've found your answers now.